---

Letters

Letter from Denis to Zosia (1905):

“Dear Zosia,

I am writing letters to all of you in those few moments of relaxation that occasionally happen.

These letters connect me to all of you, like threads to the old simple, peaceful, and happy life.

But only to you, can I write about everything as it is, that is, completely sincerely.

The whole past seems to me now a wondrous dream, where I did not know how to appreciate that wonderful course of our lives!

I managed to be so unhappy because Olga fell in love with Sergey, and not me. How could I have been so blind to have poisoned those beautiful days of my life — with bad emotions?!

You told me all this then. I understood this intellectually, but I still was deeply unhappy…

How stupid and naive were my ideas about happiness and about life! How selfish were my faith and ideas about God!

Yes… My faith has now changed and strengthened.

All the horror, blood, suffering, and death that I see almost around the clock — all this has not broken my faith, but has made that inner love stronger, which alone can save me from despair and unbelief! And God protects me, in an absolutely incredible way, saving my life time after time, even though I do not ask Him to do this.

Yesterday, for example, a shell hit the hospital tent, where I normally continuously did urgent operations and dressings for several hours. Not long before the shell hit, we had all left in order to prepare the carts with the wounded, who were being sent to the ambulance train. Upon returning, instead of our tent, we saw there only a large crater. Now, I am alive, safe and sound, and my sisters of mercy, and orderlies, and some lightly wounded soldiers, who can no longer fight on the frontline and who are helping us, are still alive. We all were saved by that miracle of God!

And today, we have already received medicines, tools, and new tents. Life goes on! Hopefully, everything will continue to go well!

So, don’t worry about me and convince Olga not to worry. Don’t give her details. She should not worry now in her position!

There is no more time for writing: now they are collecting mail. The next opportunity to send you news may not come for a while.

Give my love to everyone I know!

Your Denis”

Letter from Victor to Zosia (1905):

“Dear Zosia!

I miss you so much! Here, I received your letter — and I kiss the lines and every word written by your hand! I plunged into your tenderness, as if you were near!

Don’t worry about me, I work in a hospital quite far from the theater of operations. They do not shoot here…

But all the terrible consequences of this war are in front of my eyes almost around the clock. I sleep only for three or four hours a day.

There are so many crippled and so many who are already impossible to be helped!…

I never thought and could not have imagined that I would have to do so many amputations…

Sometimes I regret that I didn’t learn how to pray; nevertheless, right now I doubt I would have enough time for that…

Hatred for those who turned the life of ordinary people into this pitch-black hell is boiling over and over in me!

What will happen to these “crippled heroes” after the war? I mean those who survive, but remain disabled… Their bodies are disfigured, their lives are maimed, and the destinies of them and of all their beloved ones are mutilated!…

Those who are guilty of this horror must face inevitable punishment! All that peacefulness and acceptance that you taught me —evaporate in me without a trace…

Now I know how I will live when this war is over!

Please: try to calm my father! He is again overly anxious and looking for any opportunity to return me to the Academy for scientific work.

But the fate of the world now will not be decided by science, no matter how far it has stepped and no matter how many discoveries are made! Even after the war, I will not be able to work with test tubes in laboratories, no matter how much my father wants this, and no matter how gifted he considers me. Try to explain it to him: you know how to say everything gently, my dear! Say that I love him, but that I must follow my own path in life…

Write to me more often: your letters are like sips of real happiness amid the death and suffering that are around!

How are your “battles” with your new professor in summer practice? Does he already believe your clairvoyance of diagnoses of patients or is he still arguing and indignant? It would be great to look at the expression on his face when my beloved Zosia turns out to be right again! Has he already allowed you to operate on your own?

When I get back, will you teach me all this? Or will you again say that without deep faith in God, nothing will come of it?

How I love you, my dear!

How I want to hug you again!

How I long for that incredible happiness to be with you!

I love you!

Endlessly yours,

Victor”

Zosia’s letter to fr. Alexander (1905):

“Fr. Alexander, how much I would like to tell you in detail!

I hope that I will come soon, and that our conversations will again bring me closer and closer to understanding God’s Will.

My activity with the publication of the book with the sayings of the elder Zosima has not yet been very successful. Everywhere in publishing houses, I am denied: they say that they are secular publishers, and that the sayings of the Saints should be published by church publishing houses… I will continue to look for various possibilities. So far, Olga and I decided to print a small edition at our own expense and donate books where appropriate.

If everything goes well, I will bring you printed copies as well.

In the meantime, some good news:

Our new professor was attentive to my opinions on diagnoses. His indignation was replaced by respect, and now we cooperate in everything. He allowed me to carry out some operations myself, while he himself only supervised and advised. We also talk a lot about the spiritual causes of illnesses. Everything turns out as you told me!

Here are my thoughts that I want to tell you:

How interesting it is that the war was reflected so differently in the lives of all people.

For some, it is somewhere far away, and does not concern their life at all.

Many live with hype and news from the newspapers. They scold the commanders’ tactics for defeats, and thirst for glory and victories… There are many "lofty slogans" and various other meaningless and senseless attempts to "help the soldiers".

And still, strikes and protest demonstrations continue to grow, but for the most part, outwardly, they are not even connected with the war itself…

Our Olga is pregnant, everyone around her protects her, and she protects everyone. She herself serves the “Red Cross” at every possible opportunity and organizes courses for sisters of mercy, invests in the purchase of those medicines that are really needed, and helps the wounded, returning from hospitals, and their families.

If all those who are engaged in charity work were as wise and practical as Olga, and if there were more people like that, then, probably, even the whole country would soon come to peace and prosperity…

There are no letters from Sergey yet; this is understandable: where he is now, there is nowhere to send them. But everyone is very worried.

But so far, I regularly receive letters from Victor and Denis.

In Victor, the “militant rebel” and “fighter for freedom and justice” woke up again… I don’t know if I should remind him of those insights that he had so recently… Or should I wait? It’s so hard for him there…

But then there’s Denis — after all, he is also there, but has changed in a completely different direction, as if during these months of the war he became spiritually wiser and stronger many times over.

That is all my news.

With love,

Zosia”

Zosia’s letter to fr. Alexander (1905):

“Victor is dead. The news came a week ago…

Everything is as if in some kind of fog… I cannot cry… It is as if I had known for a long time that it would be like this… I already knew this when he was going there. He assured me he was a doctor and that he would, therefore, be in the hospital where dangers were minimal…

I’m trying to comfort his father. He has turned gray with grief…

I know that everything is from God. I know that for every soul He chooses the best time to take it from this world…

All this week, God has been with me at every moment! It’s so amazing! Like anesthesia against unbearable pain… There is this pain of a terrible loss, but it seems to be separated from me by that Ocean of Love and Care, with which God surrounds me. It is like the Embrace of the Heavenly Father, Which does not let go even for a moment…

Zosia”

Letter from Sergey to Zosia (1905):

“Dear Zosia,

Things are good! Denis found me in the hospital. Don’t worry about us! We’ll both be home soon! The war is over! The worst is behind us!

How is Victor?

Denis and I have known nothing about him for a very long time.

Now — the most important thing!

I don’t know how to thank you for saving Olga and little Paul! I understand that if it were not for you, then Olga’s delivery would have ended in tragedy. You managed to save two lives! Words cannot express what I feel! I cannot put gratitude to you in the lines of this letter for saving them! I clearly understand that no one but you could have done it during those critical hours! It was God’s miracle through you!

The news that she received about the Battle of Tsushima and the death of my ship — all this caused the premature delivery… And if it were not for you…

Olga wrote to me about this, and I understand that she was not exaggerating, but describing everything that happened then. I give my thanks to God and to you: you became His Hands in those hours! It will remain in my heart forever!

My life was also saved by the miracle and incredible heroism of my sailors. They saved me! They covered me, a wounded person, with their bodies, protecting me from shell fragments, with the words “Save the captain!”. Many died, but they managed to lower the lifeboats and save the lives of a few. They did it with their heroism and their devotion! I do not know how I could have earned such an attitude from the team?…

In my letter to Olga, I indicated the names and addresses of those whom I asked to thank, to take care of them and their families.

Many of my comrades died then.

Forever loyal to you,

Sergey”

Zosia’s letter to Olga (1912):

“Olga! My dear friend!

If you only knew, how happy am I now, you would not be worried about me!

So great is the Love of God, Who is with me relentlessly!

He is always with me — both in my work and in short hours of rest, both day and night!

Fr. Alexander told me not to spend nights in the hospital unnecessarily, but to live in our little house on the river bank. Do you remember how beautiful and peaceful it is there? I will be glad if you and Paul come here to rest in the summer, like last year.

So, now I get up every morning before dawn, and I have time for beauty and silence, while I walk to my hospital. These morning hours fill me with a special kind of power for the whole day! And because of this, throughout the day, a clear understanding comes from God on what must be said or done!

And then all day long, this Connection with Divine Love, with God’s Wisdom and Knowledge about everything, seems to be maintained in constant continuity. And this happens even if an operation is difficult, and even if a difficult conversation must be had with someone.

I hardly put any effort into it, and God Himself helps, shows, directs my hands, my thoughts, and my words. And He keeps His Love in me — in unshakable stability and in wondrous Divine Joy!

And this Joy is now permanent! God in my spiritual heart is no longer the long-awaited Guest, but the Only Owner!

You are now worried that I am lonely, that I have not married again, that this may not be a completely happy situation, and that this may be a reason for sadness… But I am with God and do not feel lonely at all!

God even gave me children!

Do you remember, I wrote to you that we opened the children’s department in our hospital? And it so happened that there are children who need a long rehabilitation and who have no relatives. There are eight of them — our children of different ages who are now in the hospital!

I think that it will be necessary to formalize it somehow officially, like a children’s shelter at a hospital. Can you help with tips?

In the meantime, my mother is especially happy to be with them. She dreamed of grandchildren — and now she has eight grandchildren who have become like our family! Now I have become a mother for them, a doctor, and a teacher…

Fr. Alexander also undertook to help with the education of the older children: I don’t have enough time for everything.

And yet, among all these many worries, I am happy! And my happiness is because I am in God and with God!

This happiness cannot be expressed in words, but you will understand me, for you have already touched this miracle of the Life of God, which can unite with your life too!

This is the happiness that the elder Zosima spoke of as the highest reward in monastic life. My life is not at all like a typical monastic life, but true monasticism is something else…

There is as if an outer layer, a layer of my life, where there is work, people whom I can help both by healing bodies and healing souls, and there are children now… But there is another life, one that is inner, innermost, and deep…

And in this inner layer, there is a happiness, which cannot be kept inside, which is poured out with love, joy, and tenderness, and which pours outwards from the Eternal Source!

Here — there is only God! There is no “separate me” anymore! Here — there is Unity in God’s Love! Here — there is the Eternal Life!

And it seems that I can go to It at any moment, as soon as God calls. And this is not scary, not sad, but there is wonderful joy in this! And, by just looking from this Depth into this world, fear does not remain at all, and sorrows disappear… Everywhere, in everything — there is God! In everything — there is His Wisdom and Love!

Previously, I had read about this from the elder Zosima. I understood this intellectually, but I could not imagine such a thing.

I was a little embarrassed to even presume that that could become a possibility in my life… I even confessed to fr. Alexander to make sure that I was not mistaken…

He listened with tears of happiness in his eyes, and then he blessed me and said:

‘Do not lose this until the hour of death! After all, we do not know when it will come, or how we will meet this transition time, which is destined…’

... Well, this is the main thing in my present life.

I’m very happy for Denis! Pass on my congratulations on the wedding! I’m happy for him and for his Tanya! I will definitely visit them when I come to see you in the capital.

Thank you for visiting Peter. He is very happy; he wrote to me about it. For him, Victor’s death is still like a bleeding wound… And any attention from you is dear to him!

That’s all! I eagerly await our next summer encounter! Big hug!

Your Zosia”

Letter from Denis to Zosia (1919):

“Dear Zosia!

I don’t know if my letter will reach you, or if letters are reaching others right now at all.

It can be said that I’m doing well. I am still working in the hospital, and the work is not decreasing.

The second terrible war, it would seem, has finally ended, but both of them were replaced by one more…

I could never have even imagined that such a future awaited Russia! What could be more terrible than a civil war, in which people of the same country kill each other because their ideas about the good for their homeland are different?

It is true that you have already told me more than once that the division of people into religions and into countries is a division between differently living communities of brothers and sisters, children of One God. And yet, for me, the concepts of my country, my people remain very tangible… And now, I see hatred growing in people, which seizes people’s minds and pours out into bloody terrors and fratricidal massacres…

There was no answer to my last letter from you; apparently, you did not receive it or the answer was lost in this chaos of the revolution.

Therefore, I will briefly repeat what I wrote then.

I think you already know that Sergey was killed. Even if the letters do not reach you, you have ways of knowing many things without the use of letters at all.

I’m only just now beginning to make sense of it… He tried to stop an aggressive crowd of sailors from shooting the arrested officers of the fleet. He didn’t even know those whom he was trying to save. He was confident that he could stop what was happening. After all, his subordinates always respected him so highly, they obeyed his words without question…

Now everything has changed…

Sergey died as a hero, but did anyone need this heroism?

Olga still cannot recover from her grief… Little Paul was left without a father…

Only the memory of Victor, who, with all his honesty and love for justice and freedom, would have sided with the revolutionaries, keeps me from having blind hatred for those who “cause revolutions”…

The only thing that calms me down now is that I sent Olga, Paul, and my Tanya with her children to France, and they settled there safely.

I would very much like you to go with them too! I spoke about this in the last letter.

Again, I ask you to accept my offer! Now, I can still help in this. I think that, most likely, I will soon make up my mind and go to the army to admiral Kolchak as a doctor. When this happens, I will no longer be able to help you with leaving the country.

I don’t know if you would approve of my choice among the opposing sides or if you would advise me not to try to interfere in the confrontation. But my conscience points to this way… I could not now live in peace with Tanya and Olga in France and make a scientific career as a doctor!

This is everything that I could write on paper, and how much I would like to say in person!

I know that your love and wisdom could help me in choosing how to live further, why to live, and what to rely on in this crazy world…

God bless you!

With love,

Denis”