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Responsibility to God

Of course, Victor asked Zosia about the healing of the girl.

“Do you think that namely you healed Nadia? Is it possible? And how?”

“No, of course, it wasn’t me! It was God!”

... Zosia told a little about what she saw that day in the hospital garden, and about what she felt…

This time, Victor listened seriously and did not object.

He tried — with his research logic — to evaluate what had happened. But his logic… could not cope…

... And Zosia was so gentle and beautiful! And a special confidence came from her, which was transparent and invisible, but, at the same time, filled with power.

Zosia continued:

“I used to think that in order to heal someone, I needed to really want this, and ask God for it.

“But with Nadia — everything was different… I did not ask. I even agreed then that she should leave right now…

“And then the Joy of God eclipsed everything! And all this wonderful transforming Power of His passed through me!… I saw all this, I was a witness and, at the same time, I was as if a Part of this Power.

“I cannot repeat it myself. This was God’s Will so manifested!

“And what happened is not only for Nadia’s need. This is important both for me, and for you, and for your dad, and for the mother of Nadia, and for her brother!

“This event can make a spiritual change in many people. But whether those changes will happen or not will be a personal choice for everyone.

“And I also realized that if we can continue to bring to the world that Light, Which has descended, and if we will be able to continue to show that Power of God to people, — then it will be good. And, we ourselves will learn a lot!

“It is very important that we take responsibility now for Nadia, for her future. We also must help Nadia’s mother! Although this, of course, will not be easy…

“But, if Nadia returns to that hell that you talked about, to her mother, who is in despair and on the verge of suicide, — then the girl’s recovery will be of little use.”

“My father has already helped a little: he gave me money in order to rent to her a room, and provide her with housekeeping for the first time. I didn’t mind, I took it, I was delighted even, and already did what was necessary! So, the girl now has a place to call home.”

“Yes, that is very good, but all that is temporary.

“After all, many beggars are given alms, but this is a weak form of help: from this, only the number of beggars increases!

“It is necessary to cure something in the person himself or herself, in the soul, so that the person ceases to feel unhappy, beggarly, or hopelessly desperate. It is necessary that they become able to take care of themselves and of others!

“Today, let’s go visit some foster homes, shelters, and almshouses. Maybe somewhere they will agree to hire Nadia’s mother for childcare or to help the elderly…”

“It is unlikely because she has two children…

“Yes, it might not happen… But, if we can find a children’s shelter where they will allow her to work and bring her children, — then this will be a fairly reliable solution for the current time… Let’s try! Nadia told me that her mother read books to her and taught her the alphabet. So, maybe it will work out…”

* * *

That day, they visited many charitable institutions for widows, for the disabled, and for orphans. But it was impossible to find anywhere that agreed to their plan.

Orphans could be taken to shelters, but it turned out that no one needed a mother with children.

Victor was indignant:

“All this charity is just a ‘drop in the bucket’, a farce! There are so many miserable people around! And here, only a couple dozen people have benefited, and the rest are not being cared for!

“After all, all these shelters, work houses, and almshouses are such a small part of what should be done! A few rich people donate crumbs from their income and help only a few — out of thousands!

“All these good deeds are ostentatious, it’s like how many people ‘put candles’ in churches just so that their sins can be forgiven!”

“I think it’s better to save at least a few people than not try to help anyone. After all, you and I, also, have only taken care of one person, in this case, Nadia, and we have not taken care of everyone whom you saw in that rooming house.”

“This is — only now! But someday I will definitely do all that I can to help change the lives of all those unfortunate people who are ‘at the bottom of society’! It is my goal!”

“Yes, that is good…

“But right now, we need to come up with a solution for Nadia’s mother. It is important that she stands on her own feet, and, after that, we can try to help her find some education for her children. Maybe there is something else she can do, like sewing, embroidering, or so on… — so that she can work from home?”

“I don’t know. Tomorrow, Nadia is being discharged. Let’s go, take her home and see everything on the spot, and talk. It will be best if you speak with her mother: with you — all people open up and speak sincerely!”

* * *

They arrived.

Nadia — in a new dress and shoes — felt not only healthy, but also completely happy! Her joy spread around!

After a long hug with her mother, Nadia began to tell:

“Mom, mommy! I have seen God! He cured me! And now, everything will be fine! I will help you with Ivan! Now, I will be like Zosia: hardworking and kind! Mom, this is Zosia! Get to know her! She treated me and told me fairy tales!”

Nadia pulled Zosia’s hand to her mother.

“I’m Irina,” — the woman said, introducing herself in a low voice.

... Nadia's mother was very thin and pale, tears glistened in her eyes because of the excitement…

Nadia went to show Victor her little brother Ivan.

Zosia invited them to take a walk with the baby, and she and Irina were left alone to talk.

“Thank you, Zosia! May I call you that?

“I do not know how to thank you for all your compassion!”

Nadia’s mother, with tears in her eyes, rushed to kiss Zosia’s hands…

“Do not mention it, Irina!” — Zosia hugged her and kept her alone for some time in her heartfelt love: in a certain space, which was always invisible, but felt around Zosia.

Then, there was a frank conversation. Irina said:

“I don’t know how to live further, how to raise my children… The worst thing is that I alone am to blame for this… Both for our poverty and for Nadia’s illness… Everything has burned out inside me!… Nadia’s father left me long ago. But back then, I kept going somehow: I gave music and drawing lessons, I taught children to read and write. Not in rich houses, but still…

“And the youngest one — I was raped… because of my stupidity…

“I understand that the child is not guilty, but inside me — everything is empty… And Nadia, probably because of this, became ill, as if feeling that I had already become dead. I have forgotten how to believe and love!… I myself asked God to take us all away from here!… After all, when Ivan was born, they refused to help me everywhere, including in work… This must be how the Lord is punishing me for my sins…”

“Do not blame yourself, Irina! Now, everything will be different!”

... Then they discussed what Irina knew and could do…

So, Zosia succeeded to calm Nadia’s mother and give her hope. Now it was necessary to help realize this hope.

* * *

The next day, Zosia and Victor continued their search for work for Nadia’s mother.

Their practice in the clinic had already ended, and there were only two days until the start of the training sessions.

But so far there had not been a single place where they were successful.

... Victor and Zosia heard yet another polite refusal. There were now only two places on the list to check.

When they were already descending the stairs to the exit, an exquisitely dressed young and beautiful woman rose to meet them.

Zosia suddenly recognized her. Zosia had briefly met her on her first day when she entered the institute. At the time, they only said a few words to one another. Zosia had asked her about the procedure for filing documents, the girl answered her, introduced herself, and wished Zosia success in the exam. That was the extent of their acquaintance…

The beautiful woman walked confidently. Two workers of the shelter bowed to her with great reverence as they passed by carrying stacks of bed linen.

Zosia decided to greet her:

“Olga? Is that you? Hello!”

... Realizing that Olga did not remember her, Zosia said:

“You probably don’t remember me, together we submitted medical documents to the institute.”

Olga really didn’t remember, but smiled warmly and benevolently:

“Did you come here to visit one of the children?”

“No, we wanted to get a woman and her children admitted here to work, but it didn’t work: they refused…”

“And what kind of woman? Is she your relative?”

Victor guessed that this noble and beautiful woman was most likely from the board of trustees of the philanthropists of this shelter, and he decided to use the chance:

“No, she had a daughter who was treated in my father’s clinic. So, we are trying to help. She could be more than just a nanny here, she could even be a teacher for the younger children…”

“Come on, let’s try to arrange it all. I have some influence in this institution.”

... The result exceeded all their expectations! The shelter was largely supported by funds donated by this young and rich beautiful woman. Therefore, of course, everything was quickly settled.

Victor and Zosia thanked Olga from the bottom of their hearts. They warmly said goodbye.

“Soon the classes will begin, see you then! And you, Victor, I will be pleased to meet you again someday!”

* * *

When they parted with Olga, Victor hugged Zosia, lifted and spun her, not embarrassed that people walking along the street turned around and smiled.

“Are you crazy? Please, let me go! You scared the passerby!”

“Let everyone watch! Let everyone see what an extraordinary and beautiful woman is here with me!”

Victor lowered the laughing Zosia to the ground and said:

“You are an enchantress, my Zosia! How do you do it? Will you say again that it is God Who does it?”

“Firstly, it’s not me, but we who have succeeded!

“And about God… You yourself can already feel that if you do something good and right for people, then you do it for God!

“And then, it’s as if a special Power gently carries and guides you! You can even learn to perceive how you are being directed: for example, where you need to go, or when it is time to do something. It has happened like this many times in my life — when I felt this Help clearly. It’s as if by themselves the right words come that are needed to be said, or an understanding comes of how to best help someone.

“And sometimes you feel, on the contrary, that something should not be said or done at all.

“All this is called intuition…

“And if you do not obey these internal understandings, these ‘hunches’, — then everything goes badly. It sometimes happened to me. In such cases, it was enough to reason just with my mind, — and then everything turned out badly in the end…

“The elder Zosima said that this is how the Holy Spirit teaches us to understand the Will of God!

“And this understanding easily comes when the soul is full of love, when we want to share the warmth and light that are inside us — with others!

“And if a person is either afraid, or calculates one’s own benefit like, for example: how to occupy a higher social position, how to push an opponent out, or something else that comes from the self, then this deep and caring understanding will not come!

“Then, on the contrary, conniving and nasty thoughts come — about how to benefit oneself, to the detriment of others. And such dirty thoughts, if they suddenly come, must be driven away. Such thoughts may be generated by fear, or may come from the self.

“When I was little, the elder Zosima taught me that fear and the self are like two evil beasts that attack the conscience from opposite sides. If you obey fear or the self, then one’s conscience… will hide. But if you look decisively at these vices and do not succumb to them, then help comes from God to overcome them.

“But often people do not pay attention to the voice of their conscience, which is inside them. And these people do not compare this reasoning, which is built in their minds, with their heart love. From this, people have many misconceptions about what is good and what is bad, what it true and what is untrue…”

“What a philosopher you are!”

“And what’s wrong with that? Love for wisdom is good!

“And wisdom without love is impossible!

“If theories about transformations in society are built only by logic, then they can also contain dangerous errors.

“Victor, this is very important: we are responsible for those whom we help, we are responsible for what we want to bring into this world, we are responsible even for how we think! We are responsible for all this — before God!

“And we are also responsible for how we live, for what purpose, and which things we choose in this life…

“If this choice is made before God, then it is easier to choose.

“And if you think that there is no God, then, as Dostoevsky put it, ‘everything is permitted!’…

“We bear responsibility for our lives, whether we understand this or not… And it would be better to understand!”

“Well, now you have decided to attack my beliefs! You will ‘repay’ me for such reasoning: I will bring you books of my favorite philosophers to read — and then you will tell me all their mistakes!” — Victor joked.