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About “Rules” and Rituals — and about Love

Everything turned out quite differently from what Zosia had planned before. It became clear that now she would go home alone, without her friends.

And yet, it was necessary to go to Olga: to find out how she felt, and, just in case, to ask about the trip.

Olga was very happy about Zosia and asked her to delay her departure:

“I will not be able to go with you. As you can see, my love for Sergey has filled me completely! He means everything to me! It seems to me a tragedy to miss even a day, even an hour, which we could spend together!

“I didn’t think that it could happen! When I read from Shakespeare about Romeo and Juliet, I thought that everything was exaggerated for the theater there… But it turns out that I can love like that!

“Before you leave, I would like you and Denis to hold the crowns above us during our wedding*. I think this is important… You are the ones who love us more than anyone else in the world! Could you talk with Denis about this? If he refuses, then ask Victor. Denis, of course, might be upset or offended, but I can’t change anything…”

Zosia asked about her health:

“Your leg has probably not fully recovered yet, right?”

“All this is nothing! Well… I will limp a little… A dress, veil, guests, treats… — I do not need any of that! It is only necessary that we be together with Sergey before God — always, and until death!…”

… Olga stopped fearfully… Then she said quietly:

“We are already husband and wife — before the wedding… Do you think that this is a serious sin?”

“I don’t think so! It sometimes seems to me that the ritualistic ordinances that are prescribed for people who believe, are not always from God.

“I myself try not to break such rules, but deep down I feel that God does not need this at all!

“All this comes from human inventions, which are prescribed by various churches for believers — as laws. But there are many differences between beliefs: what is a sin, what is not a sin, with what words to pray, to which cardinal to turn by the face, to cover one’s head with scarves and hats or, on the contrary, to reveal… In different rites and faiths of different nations — all this is different…

“But God is one for all people!

“And is it really important to God, whether a person follows the ‘rules’, if this person loves God with all of his or her heart?

“And if a person does not love God, then will any rituals help?

“Here, for example, some people of the Christian faith are ordered to make the sign of the cross from the left to the right, and others — from the right to the left. I think that this all comes from human speculation and separates people among themselves in vain.

“The elder Zosima explained to me a little about sin: ‘If you feel shame in front of yourself and before God about your own thoughts or about your deeds — then this is a sin. But if everything is sincerely, honestly, and lovingly accomplished — then this is not a sin!’

“Of course, sometimes it’s hard to figure out what is right. For some reason, sometimes it’s embarrassing to act against the conventional customs or against the judgmental opinions of the people around us… But when we already firmly understand what God wants from us, then nothing is scary!

“Recall: the Pharisees condemned Jesus for healing the sick on the Sabbath. And Jesus, through those people, I think, namely showed that love and mercy are above the ‘rules’ and rituals, invented and established by people!

“Fr. Alexander explained much to me about this. And he also told me those things which the elder Zosima had said to him on this topic. They both lived in a monastery, in strict monasticism, and they observed church rules. And yet, they talked to people more about the fact that one must live with spiritual kindness in order to make the right decisions in life. And — that in thoughts, kindness and purity must be preserved. Also — that the love for God and for one’s neighbors should be shown in actions, and not just in the regular practice of rituals.

“Everyday observance of the ‘rules’ does not make a person righteous before God! Often, people pretend to be ‘devout’, trying to appear ‘holy’ before other people so that everyone to respect them… Such persons often condemn those who are not so zealous in observance of rituals. And in that condemnation of others, they feel more and more ‘righteous’. But this is very bad!

“The elder Zosima said that the need to condemn others is a property of people who are not pure in mind and who are weak in love.

“And the Divine Love is characterized by kindness and understanding every other person.

“The love for our neighbor is commanded to us by Jesus! And we need to love not only those who love us!

“We must learn to love wisely!

“I sometimes have an understanding, felt by my heart, — a correct and reliable understanding, born from love — about how to act correctly. Probably, by complying with such understandings, everyone can gradually find wisdom in love!”

“How wonderful you are, Zosia! It’s so good to have you in my life, my dear friend! How easy it is when you speak!… And I was afraid that you would condemn me…”

“How could you think that, dear Olga?! I am happy because of your happiness!”

“And I — how happy I have become!

“But I am already afraid for him… I’m afraid of his military service; I’m afraid of parting…

“It’s crazy of me, right? But I am so happy! I could never have imagined being so happy!

“Even my parents agreed to our marriage! And I had given up hope that they would… They had been dreaming of a ‘perfect match’ for me for so long, they wanted me to ‘step out into the light’ and live a life like theirs. But, apparently, living separately from them recently has not been in vain! Due to this, they became afraid that I would remain an old maid — with my ideas and principles… And they thought that it was lucky that Sergey was from a good noble family, although not rich. They were even happy! Can you believe it?!”

* * *

After this, Zosia went on Olga’s errand and saw Denis.

He unexpectedly rejoiced at Olga’s request for participation in the wedding.

Then he became sad again and opened up with Zosia about his pain:

“Well, why am I such a nobody?! ‘A freak of nature’? Or something else? Sergey — everywhere and in everything — has always been the best! Do not think that I am jealous… Well, let’s say, I try not to be jealous… I understand that everything happened honestly and openly. I will manage it somehow… And even if I won’t be able to manage it, the trouble will not be too great…

“After all, I really love my brother! I understand that I’m nothing compared with him… I understand that he is handsome, smart, and brave, and already the captain of a ship…”

“Denis, but people love, after all, not only for external beauty, intelligence, or position in society… Those are not the main things.

“Who can really know why such fires of love flare up between two souls?…

“Or why, suddenly, such fires go out?…

“Or why the love, burning in the soul, may be not mutual, but strong?…

This happens very often…

“But, be that as it may, love is a great good: it is a source of purification and transformation for the soul!

“But there is also another Love, a much stronger, non-personal love, that is not for two people only, but for everyone! It is huge, calm, and pure! This is the Divine Love!

“And the ability to love so — is granted to every person!

“We must learn this selfless love and grow up to it!

“And when it becomes painful to love someone without being loved back, you can try harder to connect with that Great Love — and then the pain will go away!

“For such Love, we will never be ashamed!”

… They were silent for some time.

Then Zosia asked:

“Denis, can you maybe come with me to my home this summer? Otherwise, I will be going there alone. Things are not going smoothly with Victor… He has chosen to stay here. And there, in the hospital in my town, there will be so much work for us, future doctors, that all sorrows will be forgotten!”

“No, Zosia, I won’t go. I can’t escape from my sad thoughts in this way! A change of place will not change anything! Here, I will at least sometimes see Olga. I cannot imagine how to live without this… Yes, it’s painful so far… but, someday, it will pass, maybe…

“And I will have medical practice here: Victor and I have already agreed to work for the summer at the clinic.”

* * *

The wedding of Olga and Sergey was modest, there were just a few guests.

Immediately after that, Zosia went home.