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On the Seashore

Initially, Peter suggested that Zosia come to his house and work on typing his book several hours a day.

“In this way, it will be more convenient for us. The office is free during the day since I am in the clinic.”

“But I, nevertheless, will probably interfere. Will I be an inconvenience?”

“No, you will not, Zosia. Natalya and I are always glad to see you!”

... And after some time, Peter invited everyone to go on a vacation together outside the city, saying:

“My friends, my vacation is starting, and for this month, I rented a cottage on the shores of the Gulf of Finland. The house is spacious, not far from the shore, and everyone will have their own rooms. It seems to me that if you, Victor and Zosia, stay with us, then the work with my book will go faster, and you will also be able to have a good rest. Your studies do not begin until September. And it will be good for all of us to breathe in the sea air, and it will be nice to be together!”

* * *

It was an amazing time!

The house was spacious, two-storied, surprisingly beautiful, with wooden carvings, and with a terrace on which they could drink tea. It was located not far from the coast, surrounded by tall slender pines.

A vast sandy beach and the sea!

Zosia had never been at the sea before.

Victor, chuckling, said that the Gulf of Finland is not a real sea at all, and that it is more like a shallow “sea puddle”. He dreamed that someday he would show Zosia the coast of the Black Sea.

But Zosia was charmed by these places! The natural harmony was amazing, especially in calm weather.

She and Victor often walked for a long time along the shore early in the mornings or in the evenings during the sunset.

The sunset always happened above the sea, and it was possible to observe how the sun seemed to fall below the horizon.

When there was no wind and the surface of the sea became like a mirror — the beauty was indescribable!

In the afternoons, Zosia typed on a typewriter. The work progressed well. Peter was very pleased.

And when everyone gathered together in the living room or on the terrace at the table, much was discussed in the conversations.

Victor sometimes, however, went to the city for a day or more. He did not tell either Zosia or his father about the kinds of activities that he did there, but Peter suggested that Victor went to student groups there that were “politically colored”. His father did not approve of these ideas of his son and was very worried about his safety, but did not try to forbid him from going — so as not to quarrel again.

Everyone tried not to let such talks about the state of affairs in the country, about the need for change, and about the terrible situation of the poorest classes, turn into heated debates.

Peter himself sometimes also complained about the government. Sometimes, he was indignant at the fact that the “authorities” did not presently allow scientists to introduce new medical discoveries into the real life of the population:

“Here is Vladimir Khavkin in India, in Bombay, and right now he is creating unique vaccines, the British government is financing it, and the results are amazing! And in our country, his studies cannot be applied, because he, you see, is a political emigrant! But, mind you, Victor: he, as a result, chose science, not politics! And he really helps thousands of people in need of help! And you want to jeopardize your future in medicine by getting into all sorts of illegal organizations!”

“Father, you just don’t know the reality! You do not see what is happening in the country! If we do not change our very system of government, then nothing will change!”

“It is possible, but, my dear, I have always been horrified when such ideas like the concept of “freedom” becomes equated with the right of “revolutionaries” to cut off the heads of rulers!”

“We are not like them, father!” — Victor said indignantly, but then immediately fell silent, restraining himself.

* * *

Zosia rarely expressed her opinions in such common conversations.

However, alone with Victor, she was usually a little more frank.

“It seems to me that any violence generates reciprocal violence, and hatred — reciprocal hatred. And this is like a vicious circle! And breaking such a series of wars between countries, as well as the bloody riots within countries — can only happen through the help of spiritual knowledge, which transforms the people themselves.”

“You argue like the Tolstoyans! Advocating non-violence and humility... But this passivity is used by those who act according to the power of their whims and for the sake of their own profit!”

Zosia said nothing.

… There was a storm over the sea that day. High gray waves rolled through the shallow water and crashed over the shore, reaching coastal bushes and pines.

Victor admired the strength and beauty of the elements. He spoke enthusiastically about how the “storm of people’s anger” will sweep away all the remnants of the past — and then justice will triumph!

Zosia, with some pain inside, understood how different from Victor she was!...

She carefully said:

“Long ago, fr. Alexander was very passionate about the ideas of the revolutionary transformations of people’s lives. But then his former friends wanted to organize a group where they planned to murder and make explosions...

“He was so horrified at the crazy cruelty into which the ideas of protecting freedom and helping the oppressed and poor were turned, that he moved to the monastery to live.

“But in those years, just like now, — all those riots did not bring the freedom to people that the initiators dreamt of.”

“Zosia, I agree that such terror is horrible! But that is no longer a part of the revolutionary movement! However, to sit idly by, hide in burrows, and pretend that there is not all this horror in the country, is also impossible! We need to do something! And we will do it!”

... Zosia did not argue...

She reflected on many things during those days: about what is fair and unfair in life, about when one needs to rush into the battle for truth with courage, and when to endure and humble oneself and be silent...

Sometimes, something inside her trembled with fear for Victor, for the fact that she would not be able to prevent trouble and save him... However, she consoled herself by remembering that Victor was not like the other revolutionaries! And that there was a lot of truth in what he said...

... In the evenings, Zosia opened the notebook of the elder Zosima, and read and typed his wondrous words — and, on such occasions, peace then filled the soul:

“There is a fear in a person for his or her life, there is a fear of bodily pain, and there is a fear for one’s beloveds...

“Overcoming these fears with God is very important!

“And these fears are strong. But overcoming them strengthens the power of the soul, and reminds one of Eternal Life! And an understanding comes concerning the perishability of life; it allows one to feel the temporality of this bodily life!

“But there are also other fears that sometimes come to us.

“For example, fear to cause harm, fear of making a wrong decision, fear of succumbing to temptations without noticing that we were tempted...

“And such fears sometimes prevent one from feeling God’s Will in one’s heart!

“Fear always constrains and limits the soul!

“We must remember that everything that comes to our lives can be used with benefit. And any fear needs to be put at the service of our advancement to the Lord: so that pride cools down in us, self-confidence is humbled, and the way to the Lord’s Will is opened to us!

“In this way, understanding gradually comes from the Lord, and the temptations of a small mind are avoided — through the wisdom of a loving heart.

“Thus, genuine fearlessness in union with the Will of God is gained!

“An immature mind is inclined to fear, to pride, and to a sense of its own self-righteousness. An immature mind easily gives in to temptations! And such a mind cannot withstand difficulties...

“In the spiritual heart, the wisdom of a loving soul grows! We need to learn to constantly listen to God in our hearts! In this way, we learn to understand the Lord!

“When the Love of God is in the spiritual heart, then everything else in life falls into place! We no longer want anything for ourselves from anyone, and even the thirst for the most pleasant things disappears for us, such as: the desire for human love, or approval for our words and deeds... And we no longer feel afraid of the censure of people! Nor do we feel afraid of being misunderstood!

“And the quiet Love of God in our hearts — does not allow us to show power out of place, or to say words clumsily.

“It is as if we, as souls, plunge into Eternity!

“And in this Silence, there is always time for understanding.

“It is a good idea to stand on the threshold of this Silence of God every time when we want to make an important decision with God.

“Silence is the gateway to this timeless eternal extension of the life of the Spirit.

“The Wisdom of God enters the soul when there is no mental fuss in it.

“Only a spiritual heart, firmly connected with God, can open the mind to complete understanding! We then as if see everything from all sides at the same time!

“It is as if the veil is opened and our vision becomes complete and comprehensive, allowing us to perceive the answers to our questions to God! Then a clear answer from God comes to us about our particular problem or situation!”

* * *

In those days, when Victor was leaving for the city, Zosia got up very early and went to the sea alone.

During those hours of solitude, something special happened to her. The silence, broken only sometimes by the cries of seagulls soaring above the sea, seemed to fill the whole space around.

The expanse above the sea was so enormous that it seemed to Zosia that she, as a spiritual heart, was dissolving in this immense transparency and beauty!

The Inner Silence of the heart was then filled with the Divine Presence.

God was with her and in her and in everything around!

He was in the soft, light glide of the slightly noticeable waves on the sandbanks, in the mirror reflection on the calm surface of the water which reflected the entire infinity of the sky and the clouds that were as light as white wings, and He was in every blade of grass, and in every grain of sand under her feet.

Zosia got used to being in this bottomless and all-encompassing Silence for a long time, merging with it, and becoming it...

She wanted to learn what the elder Zosima wrote about, specifically: to be able to enter into this timeless Silence at any decisive moment in her life and to clearly understand God’s Council and His Will!

The world of Divine Light and Love opened its entrances for Zosia and let her into the Infinity of another — Divine — Reality, in contrast to the fussy material world.

Divine Love surrounded Zosia from all sides. Living Divine Silence was both inside and outside her. Silence filled Zosia with inexpressible words of happiness!

... On several occasions, Zosia tried to tell Victor about this, but so far it didn’t work out: there were no words that could possibly describe all of this to him...