---

Olga

Classes at the institute began.

Zosia liked to study. Studies now began to occupy most of her time.

And Olga appeared in Zosia’s life — the same girl who helped them in the orphanage. Over time, they became close friends.

Olga was from a noble and wealthy family. For several years now, she had been living separately from her parents.

Olga stood out among other students with the bright external beauty of her entire appearance, which was emphasized by her ability to dress elegantly and, at the same time, simply. She shone with wide knowledge in many areas of life and with the flexibility of her mind, which allowed her to always be one of the top students. She was talented in many ways: she painted beautifully, composed verses and prose, and knew a lot about literature and art.

Olga usually found herself in the center of attention in any company: she always knew how to interest listeners with her statements, and she herself was also able to listen to others sincerely and with attention.

At first, Zosia did not assume that she might be at least somewhat interesting to Olga and did not expect to become her friend at all.

Students of the institute were fond of not only the news of medical science. They often discussed many topics that worried the intelligentsia of the capital.

One day after classes, several ladies gathered around Olga, discussing the possibility and necessity of widely introducing into the people not only medical knowledge, but also art. Then their conversation turned to a partnership of traveling artists, which had been created not too long ago specifically for the purpose of preaching art. Olga expressed her conviction that after the death of Kramskoy, the ideas of that movement were now quickly fading away, and that only the great artist Repin remained there. The ladies continued to talk about the significance of individual works of art and their impact on people’s minds.

The conversation turned to Kramskoy’s painting “Christ in the Desert”. Zosia was very interested in what students thought about Jesus and His Mission on the Earth. She carefully listened to the views of her classmates, but she did not give any of her own opinions.

She suddenly felt like an uneducated provincial, because she had never seen this painting.

After the conversation, the girls said goodbye until tomorrow.

Olga for some time continued to walk next to Zosia. When they were left alone, she suddenly asked:

“Why were you silent today, Zosia? That was ‘your theme’! And why are you sad?”

Zosia answered:

“I have not seen this painting of Kramskoy…”

“Well, ma’am, that’s not something to be sad about!

“After all, not knowing something is not at all embarrassing! What truly is sad is to not want to know!

“Let’s go to Moscow on one of our days off from school and go to the Tretyakov’s Gallery! I will buy tickets for all students who want to go.”

“That is so expensive!… Each time, I think about how many people could be helped with that money… even at least in your orphanage, and I’m ashamed to spend it on myself…”

“Well, after all, man must live not by bread alone! Pictures and books are created namely for this purpose, so that for the souls, too, there is food!

“Well, if we must postpone Moscow for now, then let’s go to my house: I will show you a photograph of this picture.”

... They arrived at Olga’s home.

Zosia looked at the painted photographic reproduction of Kramskoy’s painting for a long time. One could not look at the face of Jesus here without experiencing emotion.

“Yes, in that painting, it was as if all thoughts about that moment in time had found an expression… Such power and tragedy!

“Yes, the painting was wonderful! By looking at it, many people can think about their life path, about their choice of why and how to live… Do they want and are they ready to sacrifice themselves for the sake of other people? Are spiritual feats capable for them?”

... Then they drank tea. Olga showed some magazines about contemporary art.

They talked a lot.

Olga said that she herself took painting lessons and was fond of drawing.

Then she even showed her pictures.

Zosia really liked them:

“You draw so nicely! You could have become an artist!”

“Yes, I am still interested in drawing and writing… But when I thought about where I could bring more benefit to people, I chose medicine. After all, in art or literature, it seems that only real geniuses can bring true benefit to society, but in medicine even being just a nurse can be a life dedicated to good! Is it not so?”

“It is so.”

... Then Olga talked a little about her passion for “Tolstoyism” and about her attempts to follow this teaching in life.

“Under the influence of Leo Tolstoy, I tried to improve the situation of peasants. But I did not have much success. This kind of work wasn’t for me.

“One can probably force oneself to do something that does not bring one satisfaction — simply because it’s good and right… But I couldn’t. Life in the village became boring to me. I hope that my efforts there brought at least some lasting benefit to people… The school for the children is still working. Although, there are only twelve students there of different ages. No one needed anymore. And the teacher who teaches there is hopelessly in love with me. That is why all this has not yet collapsed.

“When I left the village, I began to take painting lessons. I really liked to paint. And even now I still like this.”

“I know little about art. My father was a doctor, and a whole hospital was under his leadership. Due to this, I grew up in this hospital.

“And in our monastery, there was an elder named Zosima.”

“Like Zosima of Dostoevsky’s novel?”

“Yes, there are some similarities.

Probably, when genius people describe or portray something, then God helps them gradually to see all the shades of the Truth.

“And then, I was taught a lot by the elder’s disciple fr. Alexander. He is an educated man and he ordered many books for the monastery library. He let me read what he considered important for me. And also, he wrote down some stories about the elder Zosima… He gave me these notebooks. This summer, I typed them. If you ever want to, I’ll bring you them to read. Perhaps, you will also write a book, like Tolstoy or Dostoevsky?”

“No, I won’t even try… One must be a genius to write books! And I am not a genius. Nevertheless, at least, I am not quite a mediocrity!”

* * *

Now, Olga and Zosia spent a lot of time together.

Olga told Zosia about interesting artists and writers and about new trends in art. She let Zosia read books and magazines from her library.

For Zosia, another bright side of the world was revealed, in which God’s Light was refracted in a special way, as if a ray of sunlight highlighted something important for people for a while.

But not all famous paintings made a good impression on Zosia. She, not being embarrassed, sincerely told Olga her understanding of the essence of what she saw.

Olga liked this directness and honesty in Zosia’s judgments. After all, most of the people around just followed fashion trends gleaned from magazines and conversations…

Sometimes Zosia, in conversations with Olga, carefully touched on the most sacred topics: about God and the Power of the Holy Spirit. She found an attentive listener in Olga.

Olga was not deeply religious, but she was interested.

She thought about the meaning of human life and tried to look for this meaning.

Conversations with Zosia about this were important to her also because of the opportunity to express their thoughts aloud:

“Why is everything happening here with us? What is our whole life for? Why are there joys and sorrows, ups and downs? And what is creativity, for example, for?

“At one time, it seemed that for me art was a way out, it was a salvation from the nonsense of life!

“But then, I realized that no one needs such self-expression of a not-too-talented girl of twenty-five years old. And all the enthusiasm and compliments from most of my male fans were given to me only because they wanted to marry me.

“Secular evenings, balls, then family, and children… Should we, women, find the meaning of life only in motherhood?

“But I have not yet met a man with whom I would like to live my whole life and raise children…

“And what if I never meet such a man?

“But there is medicine… It seemed to me that the life of a physician gives a chance to bring real benefits to people!”

“It seems to me,” — Zosia continued the conversation, — “that cognizing God and mutual love with Him represent the meaning of human life. It’s hard for me to express it in words… But when you are in an embrace with God, then clarity comes and it becomes clear: what makes sense to do, that is, from which deeds there is a benefit to Him and people, and from which — only evil… Maybe it is presumptuous to think this way: that it is possible to understand the Will of God… But, when it is not just personal thinking, but when God is in the heart, then an understanding of everything comes — an understanding that is so pure and dear!

“And even if in one’s actions there is no great role for all of mankind, but only modest work for the benefit of people, then this can fill every day with happiness!

“This is because God fills us with happiness when His Love and our love for Him are united! Then, great happiness comes!

“When a soul is in embraces with God, an incredible happiness happens, even if the events in material life are not too good…

“And if the feeling of the Presence of God is gone, even if everything in life seems to be good, — then inside there is emptiness and such unnecessariness in everything! People often try to fill this void with all sorts of stupid pleasures…”

“You talk about God, as about a beloved one who is always here and loves you…

“It’s impossible for me to perceive God so. I know that God exists. I believe, I pray… But all this remains separate from the rest of my life! We are here, and God is far away… And it is as if He does not care about the troubles and sufferings of people, and He does not care about how they reason about Him, or how people interpret His Truth…

“For example, now some preachers, such as George Gapon, are calling upon factory workers to bring about, in the name of God, revolutionary transformations, — while others are cursing any progressive ideas and want to turn all people towards a fanatical and stupid medieval belief.

“Here — Leo Tolstoy was publicly excommunicated from the church… And even in such things as this, there are those who are for and those who are against it!

“And it turns out that every person believes in his or her own mind. And there are some preachers who carry whole crowds behind them — and these crowds are ready to throw themselves at each other in a struggle ‘for the true faith’…”

* * *

Zosia, in those days, thought a lot about why she could not convey her understanding and sensation of God to Victor, Olga, and other people. She also thought about whether it was possible to give them that happiness of life with God, with Whom she herself so often came into contact.

“And is it necessary to strive for this without fail?” — she wondered.

“And do I have the right to teach someone?

“And how to teach to another what is so obvious to me, when he or she does not see or understand at all?”

Zosia again and again read the words of the elder Zosima:

“There is much that we must understand about the Response of God and about the Help from God!

“When does God help? And when does He not intervene in human affairs?

“After all, God does not always respond to a person with the waves of His Love and Bliss! He answers so only to those who truly aspire precisely to Him!

“... There is an intimate communion between the soul and the Creator.

“At first, it can be a brief insight, a piercing sensation and understanding of the reality of the Power and Love of God!

“This is created by the Light, and It indicates the direction that one should go in both earthly life and spiritual life.

“It is important to help a person to feel the Presence of God and God’s Response, even for just a short time! When a soul has learned to cognize God, even in such an initial measure, then a true spiritual life can begin!

“This surge of love for God and the Response of His Love are very important! Due to this, a person can start to crave for God and really rush to cognition of Him! And it’s easy for God to help such a soul!

“But it also happens that such a person feels this, and then forgets… It is as if he or she has hidden a priceless treasure in the background and has lost his or her memory about it. That innermost memory then lies there without benefit… And that person lives as before, as if God does not exist…

“And another thing can happen. Sometimes, it seems that a person outwardly lives for God, but in reality, this person seeks just the respect from people for how he or she performs rituals, or holds a fast… — and so one’s self is fed.

“And instead of love, a self imperceptibly develops in such a person. It seems that the person becomes satisfied with himself or herself, and others praise and honor this person… But there is no place for Living God in such a person’s life. That is sad… It seems that such a person wants to please God, and thinks that he or she has risen above others in spiritual life… But that person does not live with God at all!

“Without love, everything is dead and false… In the Gospels, such people were called Pharisees. And even now the situation is the same…

“Many would now need to hear such words. But for some reason, they do not listen, and, even more, they do not understand the essence of such words…

“Some do not accept the Teachings of God because they consider their simple visits to temples on holidays as sufficient for them to call themselves Christians, and they firmly believe in their own coming ‘salvation’.

“And now, there are others who have completely rejected faith in the existence of God — along with rituals — because of the unreasonableness of faith in rituals and because of the self-serving thoughts of some church servants… And there are more and more of such non-believers!

“How many saints and prophets spoke the words that I am saying now!

“Maybe everyone, who understands God and the Unity of Life in the Heavenly Kingdom, comes to this understanding a little differently, and their words may vary slightly. But the meaning, which is deep down behind those words, is one!

“Until the Truth enters into understanding, into awareness of the soul, — there will not be much benefit from spiritual efforts… Wise words remain — like grains that you hold in your hands, but they have not yet been entered into the soil of the soul and have not sprouted, have not taken root…

“There are words that are correct — but living according to those words does not always work out…

“Those words must penetrate inside, only then does the true understanding come. And then — even more so — the experience of the soul becomes built! This is because you then have actual spiritual knowledge, which no one can take from you, and which no one can shake!

“Great happiness encompasses you when God gives you an understanding of the Truth! And it seems that I already understood everything to the very depths!

“But living according to this understanding does not always work out…

“Between understanding and the ability to live in Oneness — there is still a whole chasm! And a lot of work needs to be done in order to build one’s own bridge across that abyss, so that from the side, where the devotee receives understanding from God, one can go to the other side, where all life is lived with God in Oneness!

“A devotee builds his or her way across that abyss by forming his or her life experience. And only on one’s own can such a bridge of spiritual experience be built, and can one go to the side where life with God in Unity exists, and where everything is according to His Will, and everything is in Harmony with Him!

“Then, both Strength and Love are manifested by God through such a devotee. But this takes place only when He needs it.

“And when God does not intervene, His Great Power dwells in peace.”