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Silence

The friends gathered at the cottage in the evening so that they could wake up before dawn and meet the sunrise.

Sergey, Denis’s brother, was already waiting for them at the cottage.

His marine uniform looked very nice on him. He was tall, well-built and broad-shouldered, handsome, and surprisingly pleasant — with his whole appearance and soul. The latter was much more important than the outer beauty. It was as if he embraced with both his attention and care all those people with whom he was close.

Sergey, in many ways, was like a father for Denis.

He gave Denis the keys and said that he checked the boat and that everything was in order and that it did not leak. Then he very strictly asked Denis to make a promise that they would not go to the bay alone, without him.

He looked around at the group once more and, speaking to Olga and Zosia, said:

“On you, ma’ams, I put all my hope! Keep these youths from doing anything rash and do not let them drown you all!”

Olga pretended to salute him, and said:

“I obey, Your High Honor!”

Everyone laughed.

“Are you having dinner with us, Sergey?”

“No, please, forgive me, I’m in a hurry: duty calls!

“But, when you all pass the exams this year, we can go sailing together to celebrate this event somewhere on the shores of the Gulf of Finland.”

Olga watched Sergey with an enchanted look.

After he left, they settled in a simply furnished living room by the fireplace.

Denis, as if making excuses, said that Sergey, who was twelve years older, had been like a father for him for his whole life, and that this was why he, out of habit, was so protective and concerned about security.

They began to drink tea and dine on the stuffed buns that they had brought with them.

Victor joked a little about the fact that the buns were once again filled with cabbage and apples!

This was because even though Olga had already departed from activity in the Tolstoyan Movement, she followed in life many of those ideas, including the rules of “killing-free” nutrition, as Leo Tolstoy called it.

Not long after their first meeting, Olga told her friends about this, about how she herself came to understand the need to switch to vegetarianism.

Olga always spoke simply and, at the same time, with a deep and confident voice. She did not try to offend those who disagreed with her. She did not argue with anyone. She simply stated — with her striking example — that vegetarianism is good!

She said that not killing and not eating the bodies of animals which feel pain and suffer — is so right and wise!

Before, Zosia knew that the elder Zosima, for example, had never eaten meat. He was very strict in his diet. Although, of course, Zosima ate more than just goutweed and apples from the monastery garden.

He also — in quantity — rarely allowed himself to eat beyond the body’s necessity for life, except for those occasions when not doing so could offend someone who brought gifts.

Zosima never specifically called upon anyone to such a strict fasting life. But he said that it is good for a person to first feed the soul, and only after, — the body. And if a person’s main concern is to eat and drink, and only after this to recall about God, then God is not close to him or her. “This always happens in life,” — he said: — “that what a person holds as most important in his or her thoughts and deeds becomes that which is next to him or her”.

Zosia herself, from childhood, could not eat meat: her body simply did not accept it — and that was that! Her parents were worried about her health, but the elder Zosima reassured them: “Don’t worry: her health is fine! Through this, God has ruled in favor of her health! Accept it — and do not force her!”

… So, now, united, Olga and Zosia made it a rule in their joint walks to take with them only food that was pleasant for everyone. They had buns filled with mushrooms, cabbage, apples, and cherries. There were also cheesecakes, cheese and eggs, and fresh bread with butter.

The young men were indignant at this diet only as a joke, since everything was very tasty and quite satisfying!

They also did not drink wine. Tea and berry fruit drinks suited everyone! The friends talked a lot about the dangers or benefits of wine, about vodka and moonshine, and about drunkenness, as a disaster for the entire Russian people. They decided for themselves that they should not drink alcohol at all — in order to be a good example for others.

* * *

They did not have conversations that evening, and went to bed shortly after supper.

They got up before dawn, which in May in the northern part of the country was very early.

At the mouth of the Neva River, the ramifying branches of the river and canals formed many cozy places.

It was a foggy morning. Before that, there had been several days with an almost summer-like heat, and the nights were cool.

… In calmness, the fog made everything magically fascinating!

The natural beauty began to awake amidst the gentle morning! Newborn green leaves, young blades of grass, and flowers along the banks were all happy! All this was reflected in the mirror surface of the water, which doubled this beauty!

The birdsongs emphasized the amazing silence!

Now, almost all people were still sleeping, and they did not disturb the harmony of nature with their noise.

… The boat glided along the water. Only the quiet taps of the oars were audible…

Olga admired enthusiastically, and said:

“What fabulous beauty! Thank you, Denis!”

Victor was also inspired:

“Yes, it rarely can be seen! We are lucky today with the weather!”

Zosia whispered:

“And such silence! Let’s try to listen to it!…

“And we can even breathe this silence! It is as if is dissolving us in itself! And then these trees, flowers, blades of grass, birds, and all of us — are just tiny particles of this beauty and silence!”

The young men stopped rowing.

The silence enveloped everyone and plunged them into the wonderful world of unlimited peace…

Zosia felt that she herself became this enormous transparent silence in which everything abides… And now, she could hold on her palms of the soul — with God — the shore with the singing birds, with the trees, with the flowers, and also the mist-covered surface of the water… And she could gently caress them like small children!…

… The sun gradually warmed the space. The fog was dissipated by the rising breeze.

They landed on a coast, where there were no cottages, and took out their picnic baskets. They had a snack.

Olga shared her impressions:

“Words cannot describe how great this beauty and silence is today!

“All my abilities for delight come from my youth, when I admired beauty and imagined how it could be depicted in a picture, or when I considered what words could be found to describe it.

“And today it was as if I myself became like a tree with bursting buds and erupting green leaves!

“In this silence — I myself as if sprouted!

“Or, conversely, silence penetrated me to the very depths…

“All my thoughts even stopped!

“And my life existed only here, along with all other creatures on equal terms!”

… Zosia continued the topic, quietly and slowly saying the words:

“This state is also called hesychia. This is when inner silence comes and the soul, before God, dissolves in this silence of the heart. In this silence, you can feel and understand God, what God wants from us, people: from each of us individually, and from all of humanity.

“And how absurd and unnatural in such silence are anger, violence, and wars between people!

“Silence can serve as a purifier for our thoughts.

“And, in such silence, it’s as if you see everything as it really is, and you understand: what is good and what is bad.”

After a short pause, Zosia continued:

“We look at the cells in a microscope, and study them.

“But do the cells of the body themselves know why they live, why they divide, multiply, and why they die in their hour?

“But in human life, they play their necessary role.

“It seems to me that all people in the universe are just like those cells, they have their own purposes and their own tasks.

“And, if a droplet understands that it is a particle of the ocean, then everything becomes different for it!

“This is what Jesus explained about when He said, ‘I and My Father are One!’

“And all of us are commanded to strive for this!

“And now, if we learn to look at everything with God, then a common, holistic understanding will come. The meaning of everything that happens becomes clearer then! And it will be easier to bring help to people — reasonable help!

“After all, in order to even understand another person, you need to be able to put yourself in his or her place, to feel what he or she thinks, how he or she sees this world.

“To love your neighbor as yourself or even more than yourself, you must be able to understand him or her to the depths! Otherwise, it’s just not possible!…

“It is like this with God as well. Indeed, in order to live according to God’s Will, one must learn to understand how exactly He sees each specific situation, and how He plans each person’s fate. And all that is connected with that person, you need to try to feel. And this — at the beginning — is not easy!

“You can try to look through the Eyes of God — at yourself, and at other people, and at the whole world.

“As a child, I often imagined that God was looking at me…

“Sometimes, I even played like this: I imagined that opposite me, for example, Jesus Himself was sitting. And I spoke with Him and asked Him questions. And then, I tried to imagine what He answered me, I tried to look at myself through the Eyes of Jesus. This was how the elder Zosima taught me to do confession. And after learning this, I began to do so often. Sometimes it even seemed to me that Jesus, imagined by me, came to life… It was so wonderful! Happiness enveloped me!…

“I guess I’m explaining confusingly. I have not yet learned to talk about such things!”

“Everything is working out for you, Zosia! When you speak, it’s as if the Divine World is opening up! And an understanding comes! What you are talking about, becomes visible and felt!

“But this is your world… We ourselves cannot yet enter this World. Apparently, we are not allowed in yet! This is like a glass wall!” — Olga thoughtfully said.

“And what about those who have no souls? How can we, unhappy people, admire beauty, listen to silence, and help others?” — Victor tried to joke.

But his joke did not seem appropriate to his friends.

That special state of infinite silence and peace, beauty and blissful spring bliss — still did not let go and did not allow them to return completely to the world of everyday life. Everything was too beautiful!

And God, pervading His Creation with Himself, embraced by His invisible Presence and Love both those who could feel Him and those who had not yet seen or heard Him.