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Clinic Practice

The work in the clinic was familiar and joyful for Zosia.

It was also very nice that Peter allowed her — along with other students — to attend his daily rounds of all the patients and listen to the diagnosis and treatments.

And yet, after the time spent in the expanses of the sea, Zosia had a strange feeling that almost all the people around her lived in some kind of self-isolation from God. And it is they who close themselves off from the perception of that world of Light and Love, where life with God is a reality every day.

Most of the people with whom Zosia communicated — patients, physicians, and students — were believers, but they did not feel God in their “ritualistic” faith. Many of them read prayers every day, many regularly visited temples, but this did not make them better and did not bring them closer to the cognition of God.

Previously, everything around Zosia was the same: people were the same and their prayers were too… But this, for some reason, did not surprise her back then.

Now, however, the world of Light and life with God, which so brightly opened, seemed to have divided life into two different realities. Moreover, the everyday reality, in which all the “earthly” events took place, contrasted very strongly with the world where Living God was!

Zosia tried to at least slightly “open the doors” between these worlds — to help people to at least somewhat enter into the life of that Light and Joy, which is always nearby! But people usually don’t feel it…

Peter was surprised to see how quickly the attitudes towards Zosia were changing in the clinic. In just one week, she transformed from the “girlfriend of the professor’s son” into an irreplaceable assistant and friend of a majority of the patients and the hospital staff.

... One day, Peter heard her talking to a dying man.

Zosia spoke about death and about God so calmly and joyfully, that it was as if she had dispersed the clouds of fear and made it possible for this man to accept the inevitability of this in deep peace. Dramatic changes occurred in that sick man! And he passed away without the convulsive and desperate fear that had shook him for the entire previous month.

Peter understood that Zosia had already done so in her former provincial hospital. They had talked about this over the past few days more than once. But now, he saw this with his own eyes.

And almost all the patients in the clinic were now waiting for Zosia to come to clean their room, feed the bedridden, and talk with them…

* * *

An event, which was important for everyone, happened one day in the clinic.

That day, early in the morning, Victor brought a child in his arms to the hospital — it was a girl. She was about six or seven years old, in appearance. She had a very strong fever. The clothes on the child were dirty and beggarly, and because of this, serious problems arose.

Peter came to them, having been called to the situation by a medical orderly. And Victor almost shouted:

“Father, this is what I have been arguing with you about! Where is all our compassion and support for people?!

“I was driven out of the emergency room! The girl might die right now! And they told me to go to the Mariinsky hospital, where there is a ward for the poor, or to the Alexandrovsky barracks outpatient clinic. And they said that in our clinic there is no place for ‘dirty beggars’, and that we do not need ‘infections and quarantines’! Father, I examined her, and I think that this is pneumonia. I am ready to pay for her treatment myself!”

“Do not be angry! I’ll give the orders right now!

Does the child have parents?”

“Yes, there is widowed mother but she still has a baby, and she did not come with me…”

“Go to the medical room. I’ll send your Zosia to come and do everything for the hygienic treatment, and then I’ll come to see the girl.”

“Thank you, dad!”

“You, too, please, take measures so as not to catch any infection!”

... Then Victor told Zosia about this girl:

“One of my friends asked me to help the child, knowing that I was studying as a physician.

“The name of the girl is Nadia.

“I brought her here from a homeless shelter.

“You should see what’s going on there! It’s just awful! Those who say that hell awaits people after death have not seen hell in reality! And it is right there, next to us!

“Can you imagine? — her mother also has a baby infant!… The worst thing is that all that illness, dirt, crime, and death there — is the norm, is routine. Most cannot even remember another way of life: for them, it all happened too long ago!

“And the mother of this girl, it seems, had only recently joined the shelter. Apparently, by the will of some tragic incident, she is now completely broken by this hell, and has already stopped fighting for the life of her children…”

... Zosia listened without interrupting, then said:

“I will stay all night on duty around the girl, if Peter allows this. Her state is very serious.”

* * *

Zosia stayed the night in the hospital and was on duty at Nadia’s bed. She hardly slept. Sometimes she was replaced by Victor. The fate of this girl stirred up something deep inside him, as if it was his little sister or daughter.

Finally, the girl became a little better.

Victor told Zosia:

“You need to go home today and have a good rest.

“I will accompany you, otherwise you might pass out on your way home… Should we take a cab?”

“No, let’s walk on foot, so that we can get some fresh air…”

They walked during the warm summer twilit evening and continued to talk. Victor could not restrain himself:

“Why does your God allow children to die? How could a child even deserve this? For what sins? Is this fair?”

“What happens in life does not depend on the various religious patterns established by people. I myself don’t know much about it, rather, I feel it… There is a Justice and Love Which goes deeper than what we see in this material world! Behind everything that happens here — there is God: His Love and Wisdom!

“I sometimes feel that world of God. It exists! God is more real than everything that we see here! If we stay there and touch that Love — then everything here seems to be like a dull dream…

“Then, when we again return to this ‘dream’, we get used to it once again. I wash the floors, help sick people to change their clothes, and speak with them… But when you know that God truly exists, then it’s not scary to live!

“Although, difficulties, of course, happen…”

“And you believe that if Nadia is an innocent child, then she will end up in paradise, right? Then, probably, it would be fortunate for her not to return to the hell in which she found herself with her mother!

“But now, we are fighting with all our might to ensure that she lives in this world! We want this! Is it not?”

“It is…

“Life is an opportunity to learn a lot, and to become better… But only God decides who must leave and when it is time to leave here! We are only tools in His Hands to bring help and good!”

“I wish you could be put in control of this world!” — Victor joked.

“I remember how fr. Alexander once told me a lot about other branches of religion; and, in all of such religions, human life in a body is seen only as a short fragment of a much larger whole.

“There are such branches of religion, as, for example, Buddhism or Hinduism, where it is claimed that people are born many times on the Earth in new bodies, as if changing clothes. It is as if another ‘day’ is awaiting everyone, and, on that ‘day’, the soul is born again and takes on a new body and a new destiny.

“And, if the people were sinners, criminals, then their fate in new lives is difficult, full of suffering.

“And if they were good, then their fate is safe and happy.”

“And do you believe that?”

“I don’t know… Sometimes I think that this could be true. It seems to me that it would be fair to be embodied many times in order to be given a chance to correct errors.

“But, if there are no such repeated chances as, for example, new lives in new bodies, — then how we live our lives is even more important!

“The elder Zosima told me that God — for all peoples and for all religious branches — is one and only one! But in every nation, people call Him by different names.

“The prophets and messengers of God for each nation were different. There were a lot of them. And the legends about them are different. Due to this, many branches of religion happened. But this does not change the essence! Every human soul must strive for God! It is for this approach to God, namely, that these lives are given to us! This is the most important thing that a person must understand and implement while living on the Earth!

“And this is precisely what could help people in the first place!

“All other benefits like money, other values, and even health — all this is secondary!”

... Zosia fell silent… Despite her inspiring topic, she did not have the strength to speak further.

Victor looked at her anxiously, and said:

“Forgive me for starting these topics again! Do you want me to carry you in my arms?”

“No, thank you! I can handle it! We have already almost arrived!”

But Victor, nevertheless, picked up Zosia in his arms. She hugged him and laid her head on his shoulder.

And it was so good to feel his strong hands!…

* * *

In the morning, Nadia became much worse.

After examining her, Peter said to Victor and Zosia:

“This is the end! We are powerless…

“Zosia, you can stay with Nadia for now. You are free from other duties today. I know that you know how to do something very important for those who are dying, a special something that cannot be explained in words…”

... Zosia thought a lot about death. She saw a lot of deaths in the hospital. She read many of the elder Zosima’s words about how to accept this transition of the soul into another world, and she helped many people to calm down before approaching the inevitable end of life in a body…

And yet, every time when a child died, a pain rose in Zosia and a desire grew to definitively take it away, to change it.

She remembered about Zosima, thinking: “If the elder were here, he could tell if this girl could be helped. And, if so, how?”

... Nadia was dying, but was still conscious.

Zosia finished telling her a fairy tale, and, in order to restrain her tears, she went out into the courtyard of the hospital. It had just rained, and the sun, peeking out from behind the clouds, shone incredibly brightly, sparkling in every drop of water on the tree branches in the hospital garden.

Zosia felt the Presence of God, full of Endless Love, as if she were being hugged by the soft and warm Embrace of a Familiar and Dear Friend.

Zosia clearly and acutely felt Boundless Love, embracing her from all sides and consoling her… It was if the whole sky, all the transparent thickness of the air, became His Embrace.

And in this Presence of God, there were Joyful Caresses and Care! An understanding came that everything happens according to His Will. Everything is right and good! And it could not be otherwise!

This Joy pervaded the space!

Each droplet shone like a little sun! On the leaves of the trees, on the tips of the blades of grass, on the hospital fence, on the benches in every corner of the garden — tiny “suns” shone in countless numbers! Rays of Divine Light poured in streams. In every smallest particle of space, Zosia sensed the Presence of the Great Divine Love and Power.

... Zosia returned to the ward.

The dying girl opened her eyes and looked a little surprised, as if she had also seen this Great Light.

“Thy Will be done!” — these words sounded in space. It was the “soundless sound” that only souls hear.

Zosia could barely see the objects in the room; only transparent contours, like soap bubbles, could be seen. But the Light of God — Living, giving life to everything — was everywhere!

Zosia focused on the girl. In the child’s body, spring-like Streams of Light, which at first were weak, began to flow more and more powerfully. The entire body of the girl was cleansed of gray sticky energies… And became filled with the Primordial Light!

Zosia saw this and passed out…

* * *

Peter and Victor entered the chamber of the dying girl. Zosia was lying unconscious on the floor. A braid of her hair fell out from under her kerchief, on which a red cross was embroidered.

And Nadia, who was sitting on the bed, called for help.

Victor grabbed Zosia in his arms and carried her to the ward room.

“What’s the matter? What happened?”

“This faintness of mine will pass…

“Nadia will be healthy! It happened! Do you understand?! Everything happened as the elder Zosima told! God can reveal Himself ever so clearly!” — Zosia whispered softly, regaining consciousness.

... While Peter was examining Nadia the next day, she said:

“Zosia’s fairy tale was real! Everything was true! I am now healthy! God came to me and cured me!”

... The doctors could only shrug their arms and talk about the miraculous recovery.

Only Peter and Victor guessed that this miracle could be connected with Zosia.

But they were not yet ready to seriously evaluate this.