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Dark Shadow

Soon, the course exams were to begin, and Zosia was seriously preparing for them. She reviewed everything that was done at the institute that year. However, since it was just the first year, the students had been taught only theories. Sometimes, Zosia even thought that she had forgotten what she had been able to do in practical medicine before.

She had already firmly decided that she would go home for the summer and work in “her own” hospital. She was looking forward to how happy her mother would be and to the many things that she would be able to tell fr. Alexander. Zosia, of course, regularly sent them detailed letters about her life, but it was not possible to tell everything!

Zosia also dreamed of inviting Victor, Olga, and Denis to her home, introducing them to fr. Alexander. She had already spoken about this to her friends, but so far, they were still thinking about their own individual plans.

* * *

Zosia wanted to practically master what she had read from the elder Zosima. In a separate notebook, she even wrote to herself all the recommendations that, she thought, could help her to treat patients in the future. She thought about how the clairvoyant ability to see the organs inside a patient’s body could be developed for diagnosis and treatment purposes. She also thought a lot about how not to harm a soul when healing a person’s body.

In particular, the elder’s explanations to fr. Alexander about clairvoyance always inspired her, because they pointed to the huge opportunities that she so dreamed of developing:

“Bring your gaze into the hands of the soul — and look from there! This allows you to see a lot!

“You can, among other things, carefully examine something between your palms, this allows you to zoom in on what you want to see in the body of a patient.

“Everything can be observed in detail: how and what is arranged in a person’ body, how it works, and where and what suddenly stopped working.

“And if you look at someone from a distance — together with God, connecting with His Eye, — then it happens that the person’s past becomes clear, and a possible future is revealed.

“The future is usually presented as many different paths and trails. If a person makes a good choice after a conversation and healing, then a straight path of fate becomes possible. But if one does bad things, if one forgets those lessons that one has accepted through illness or other sufferings, and again allows oneself to sin more and more, then one’s fate becomes like a crooked path leading away from the Light of God. At first, pits and various obstacles appear in one’s path, prompting one to change one’s mind and return to the right path.

“But after that — it could be different…

“For example, feeling persistent sorrows or anger, a person could get bogged down in such emotions, or some other bitter thing could happen…

“Or, one might even suddenly start feeling that evil deeds bring one success, and that one benefits from unclean intentions. And such a misguided one becomes satisfied with oneself and one’s life!… This sad thing happens when God backs away — for a while — from someone, who persists in sins, allowing that person to make his or her own wrong choice. Such a one stands on the dark side and allows the evil in oneself to triumph! It is not easy to stop such people. They have already stopped hearing the voice of their conscience, and they are not afraid of God’s punishment anymore, and they don’t even think of God’s Joy about them… And the saddest thing is when they believe in their ‘rightness’ and gain confidence in their false choice, and call upon others to do the same!

“When someone, for example, plans the sin of murder, one is scared, and one’s conscience shouts with a cry, — no matter how hard one tries not to hear the voice of one’s conscience. But if a lot of people come together and ‘for a just cause’, ‘for faith’, or at the direction of a leader, whom they revered, plan a killing, then it no longer feels scary for them. Neither do they feel ashamed to God, nor do their consciences torment them: after all, they are the same as others are, and that gives them false confidence…

“It would be nice to have time to warn such a person before he or she embarks on the path of evil… It is very difficult to stop those who are already rooted in evil!

“It would seem how all this relates to treatment? Why is such a reasoning? But here — the most direct relation is: that is, an understanding the fate of a one, which is depending on one’s decisions!

“And if we do not help to free the soul from evil, then the treatment is not good, even if the body was able to be corrected.

“And we must remember that people are interconnected by fate, and many — very strongly so! And an event that happens to one person can also affect many others.

“You heal, for example, the body of one person, but it brings much greater benefits to other people than to that person. For example — to that person’s relatives or to those people who are close to him or her, or even to strangers who see this.

“And sometimes, it happens that there is very little awareness in a person. His or her understanding of God and of goodness is very weak, and his or her choices in life are as if random. It is similar to how a blind person looks for his or her path using touch: it hurts, it doesn’t hurt, it’s nice, it’s hard here, it’s calm, it’s scary… Such a person is not ready to accept the purification of the soul.

“In such cases, when the understanding in the soul is still in its infancy, it is necessary to give very simple parting words on how to behave well. It is necessary to explain in detail how and because of what something will be bad! And it must be said with such confidence that the person remembers this for a long time! Then there is a hope that such a person will beware of evil, and that he or she will try to strive for righteousness. And, if possible, the faith and love of such a person should be directed towards a good path. Then the body can be easily treated.

“You should also understand that water and infusions are among the simplest means of influencing the body. It is especially convenient to use such remedies for people of little faith, who need to get something necessarily material, to feel satisfied. For example, a potion or powder.

“Both water and liquid oils can easily transfer part of the healing power in the body to diseased organs and tissues.

“The faith of the patient is important. When the faith is weak, then you need to select the words and actions that will strengthen his or her faith, add understanding, and redirect them to recovery and away from the fear of death.

“These words should be simple and clear. They should be spoken confidently and calmly. In this way, calm is transmitted to the patient.”

… Zosia tried to learn to look with the soul. But she did not succeed in being able to see everything inside a patient’s body in detail, as the elder Zosima had explained. And the fate of people also was not revealed to her.

Sometimes, however, everything inside her seemed to shrink, when beloved ones were about to do wrong.

So far, there had only been the amazing case with the girl Nadia, but, during that event, Zosia herself did nothing on purpose. God showed and accomplished everything, and Zosia only watched as the Power of God poured through her.

For healing practice, Zosia so far had had very few opportunities. She sometimes tried to train to let God’s Light pass through her bodily arms. And it seemed to her, when the Light flowed through her hands, that, through this, any pain, any disease could be removed from another person.

She tried several times to treat the headaches of some classmates. And the results were successful…

But Zosia was not satisfied with her attempts: “To relieve a headache is a trifle!…

“And now an entire year has passed, and so little has been learned!…”

* * *

One day, Zosia had a wonderful dream:

Many Holy Spirits, consisting of the Living Light, gathered around a large table and prepared a dough. They were going to bake bread so that all people could partake of the Holy Bread: that is, so that all people could be involved in the Divine Life.

And Zosia also wanted to take part in this, to help them in their work. But she was still too small, and she could not reach the table. She even tried to stand on tiptoe, but still could not reach it!…

Then, those Holy Spirits in shining white robes surrounded Zosia on all sides. And she saw herself with Their Eyes from all sides at the same time. And it became so interesting, as if she had disappeared in the center of the circle, and it was possible to look only from all sides towards the place where she had been before.

And then, everything became clear to her: on that table, and in that room, and beyond… And the transparent space made it possible to be everywhere and see everything, and understand everything together with the Holy Spirits Who taught her…

Then, those Holy Spirits said to her affectionately: “Take your time: everything is good, everything is right, your turn will come, daughter!”

And then that blissful picture disappeared, the light in the dream suddenly became cold and dim. And the table was no longer for bread, but was the table of… an operating room, and on it — there was a bloody body…

* * *

A sharp doorbell in the middle of the night woke Zosia.

She opened the door.

Victor stood on the threshold. He was pale and excited. He was dressed in some ridiculous jacket that must have belonged to someone else. There was blood on the sleeve.

“May I come in?”

“Of course! What happened? Are you hurt?”

Zosia almost pushed Viktor into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

“It’s not I who is injured… I’m sorry to get you involved! I really need your help: your tools for the operation! My friend is seriously injured. We need to act urgently! They are looking for him, so we cannot go to the hospital…”

“And your father?”

“He — will probably call the police and say that there are doctors in prison…”

“Do you want to operate yourself?”

“Yes. No choice. He will simply die if we do not use the chance now to save his life!”

Zosia got ready in a couple of minutes: dressed and with a bag in her hand.

“I will go with you, I will assist you!”

“You cannot! They might arrest us!”

“So — let them arrest us!…”

“Then you must say that I forced you! Do you promise this?”

“No. I do not know how to lie! Go! Here, put on this jacket: that jacket is covered in blood!”

… They took a cab.

They got off in the working quarter and passed through several passage yards.

In the room where the wounded man lay, there were still a tearful woman and two men. It was dark and stuffy. The wounded man was unconscious.

Zosia began to prepare everything for the operation. She calmly and clearly gave instructions on how to make the light brighter and where to put the patient. She asked them to bring clean boiled water to wash hands.

Victor was very nervous. He had never operated before and only in practice in the clinic had he several times assisted in operations.

Zosia took his hands in hers for a few seconds, as if pouring out confidence and strength:

“Everything will be fine! You can do it!”

She mentally called for the help of the elder Zosima. The response from the World of Light came immediately. It became quiet and calm inside, as if time began to flow at a different speed.

Several times, when Victor was in indecision and did not know how to proceed further, Zosia told him how and what to do next. She was now seeing exactly as how Zosima had explained. She could see such things as where the bullet was, and what muscles and vessels were damaged…

The bullet was removed. The wound was not very dangerous. Important vital organs were not affected. Everything went well.

Zosia approached a woman who was probably the wife of the wounded man. Zosia said that now everything would be fine, and began to explain in detail how to continue to care for the patient, and how and when to change the bandages…

The woman thanked her through tears and said that God Himself had sent help.

She was interrupted by one of the men, the brother of the wounded man:

“Stop saying nonsense! What did God have to do with it? It was due entirely to these comrades-students performing the operation well!”

Zosia very carefully looked into his eyes, as if looking deep down into the soul, and said:

“She’s right: God has now saved the life of this man. We just removed the bullet. And it was God Who extended his life! And now, it is important how your friend will continue to live, for which aim he will recover.”

A second man came up and touched her shoulder:

“You have to leave: it’s dangerous here!”

He gave Victor a gun. Victor took it into his palm with a habitual movement.

Zosia said:

“Victor, please, return the weapon! You are a doctor!”

“And if the police are armed? So, it is necessary for your safety!” — Victor’s comrade said.

“No, don’t! Victor, if you’re afraid, then I’ll go home alone!”

Zosia took her bag and went to the door.

Victor put the gun back into the man’s hand and went with Zosia.

They walked silently for a long time through the night streets.

This situation with the gun seemed to put a strain in their relationship…

Victor made an effort and broke the silence:

“Thank you! I couldn’t have done it alone!… Sorry to have dragged you into this! This will not happen again!…”

Zosia nodded, then asked:

“Could you shoot a policeman if you were being chased? Have you killed people already?”

“No, how could you say that, Zosia?! A weapon is just in case!”

“For what case? When an acting policeman tells you: ‘Freeze! You’re under arrest!’? And what if he has a wife, or little children? It’s not his fault! Do you understand this?…”

“You just don’t know, you don’t understand… There is no other way to make a revolution! This is for the good of all the people, for all the people of our country!…”

“You used to say: ‘We are not terrorists-killers’…”

“Yes, and I say so now as well!…”

Zosia did not reply…

Victor was silent too.

It was as if a dark shadow suddenly fell… And it was not possible to drive it away…