On Disputes

The two young men, trained by the Master, at first usually had a similar opinion about everything that they heard from Him and read.

But gradually, as their outlooks expanded in the process of acquiring new knowledge and developing independence in thinking, they sometimes began to disagree with others in their opinions and assessments of events or written material.

And it began to happen that their disagreements in opinions began to grow into heated debates, which sometimes ended in resentments. Usually, the friends would make peace with each other not long after, but such situations were repeated again and again… Once, they turned to the Master with a request that He judge which of them was right in the next heated debate.

The Master answered them in an unexpected way:

“Did you know that excessively insisting on your opinion in a conversation is a manifestation of the vice of violence?

“Committing violence on the thoughts of another person, by forcing others to think in the same way as oneself, is one of the very negative manifestations of egocentrism!

“Have you ever thought about this?”

The young men were silent in embarrassment. They had never before evaluated their verbal arguments from this perspective.

The Master continued:

“We should only express a point of view that is different from our interlocutor’s, when we are in a state of love and respect for that person. And we should also understand that our interlocutor has the right to disagree with our opinion.

“If we truly want to be like-minded in the main principles that unite us, it is very important to learn not to invest the power of negative emotions in such insignificant disputes.

“We should insist on our correctness only in exceptional cases! But you have acquired the habit of arguing on insignificant problems and topics.

“Only in those cases where the mistakes of your friend can seriously harm himself or other people, is it necessary to show firmness in the statement of your position. This confidence in the correctness of such words and actions will be confirmed by the approval of God, which you will learn to feel.

“If you acquire the habit of arguing over trifles, then, when it comes to really important matters, your opinion will not be heard or taken into account. The habit of always objecting to one’s interlocutor is very bad!

“The reluctance to listen to another’s point of view, as well as an attitude of thinking of one’s opponent as an enemy or a fool, for thinking differently than oneself, shows the extreme degree of one’s egocentrism!

“Develop a habit of self-observation and self-control!

“Sometimes the desire to object to one’s interlocutor is manifested not in words, but in an accumulating mental and emotional objection. This accumulation of negativity inevitably leads to future situations of conflict. Take note of your own similar shortcomings!”

“But what should I do if I really do not agree with him?” — one of the young men asked.

“God gave people free will! This includes the freedom to think and evaluate what is happening — in accordance with one’s own level of development. Everyone possesses this freedom of will, and it should be respected!

“The only time that it makes sense to stop or correct a friend, is when you believe that the thoughts of your interlocutor could be harmful and dangerous to others. But all this should be done while feeling emotions of peace, love, and respect!

“If you cannot respect and love those people, with whom there are protracted conflicts, — then it makes sense to stop communicating with such people. And, even in this case, there should be no contempt, disgust, or hatred. In such cases, people simply separate and then get in their lives new lessons from God — according to what new paths they choose to take.

“Violence in the field of thinking is very interesting and should be deeply understood and studied.

“It is also important to develop in oneself such skills as: the ability to admit one’s own error, the ability to ‘surrender’, to permit the ‘clever self’ to be defeated, and to recognize oneself as being wrong. We must also learn to look at the problem or situation through the eyes of the interlocutor, in order to understand how he or she thinks. It is also important to be able to calmly and reasonably express your opinion. This is what you need to learn during such discussions. All of this develops the ability to think independently and to understand others in a non-superficial way.

“To be able to do this is useful not only for zealots who have risen on the spiritual path; this is also important for a harmonious life together in families or in other small or large communities of people.

“And, even in the relationships between states, this would be very useful and could be named as a wise policy. It is a pity, however, that politicians and diplomats usually use the ability of understanding other’s trains of thought and of recognizing the far-reaching motives of their interlocutors — only to deceive opponents and to assert their ‘victorious superiority’ over… their allies.

“Very often, bloody wars between peoples are due to the ambitions and disputes of politicians who do not want to see the situation beyond the point of view of one or several persons. They do not take into account the possible disastrous consequences for the many remaining people. Such politicians also do not think about the great gravity of the karmic consequences that they bring into their own fates in their present and future incarnations.

“We must understand that if some people are large consciousnesses and have great willpower, then their thinking and convictions significantly influence small souls. Such leaders easily begin to control the thinking of crowds, using their brute strength to subordinate and paralyze the weak thinking and critical evaluation skills of other people.

“It’s sad to see when such leaders use their power to subordinate the thinking of other people — for their own material gain or fame…

“The same situation can be observed in relation to some religious leaders.

“That is why on the spiritual Path it is so important to learn to monitor and suppress one’s desire to subordinate the thinking of other people, even in insignificant manifestations.”

“Why, Master, did You not immediately forbid us to argue with each other?”

“One should develop in oneself the ability to think, to understand others, and to have one’s own point of view. And one should not blindly obey the opinion of others, even of those who have influence and authority. I’m not happy if my students just blindly follow everything that I say or everything that they read in my books. I don’t want them to feel forced to do things that they don’t agree with, out of fear of being among those of whom I am not satisfied.

“Now I hope that you have seen the situation from multiple points of view. And I hope that you will not be compelled by obedience to act faithfully, but that you will be able to develop in yourselves the qualities of love, care, and wisdom while mastering the abilities to think, speak, and listen independently.”