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Life for God/Notes of a Sufi (Memories of Al-B’ul about His Studies)

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Notes of a Sufi
(Memories of Al-B’ul about His Studies)

Written by
Anton Teplyy

“Your body is a grain of sand
on the crest of a wave.

When you are dissolved in the Depths,
the Depths are you!”

From the poem “Cognizing My Depths”

by Olga Stepanets [9]

Even before the beginning of My apprenticeship with the Master, I had already had some experiences that were unusual and inexplicable for Me. Now I understand that these were echoes of the meditative experience of My previous earthly lives.

However, back then… I only sincerely searched, and tried to understand… But, it was all in vain! Among the people around me, there were only darkness and ignorance! People did not know anything about God and did not want to know! They only thoughtlessly repeated their rituals and prayers day after day! And their leaders did not differ much from them…

But I was looking for Him!

* * *

One day, after another unsuccessful attempt to find the Truth among the local “wise men”, I went to the desert. I walked aimlessly for a long time and then, being tired and desperate, I lied down on the sand and closed my eyes…

“Allah, where are You? If You exist, answer me! I thirst for Truth, like a weary traveler thirsts for water in the desert!…”

… But only silence answered me…

So I lied there for a very long time, hoping to hear at least some answer and understand: why and for what reason do I live?…

It began to get dark. It was necessary to start heading back home.

And then I realized that I was lost…

… I walked and walked, trying to find a village, but everything was in vain. And I did not have any water or food. The cold of the night desert was beginning to penetrate my light clothes…

After an almost sleepless night in the cold on the sand, I again went on.

And this lasted for several days…

“Well, maybe it’s actually better to die in the desert than to live this meaningless life…” — I thought.

Eventually, I passed out…

* * *

I woke up because drops of life-giving moisture fell on my face. I slowly opened my eyes and saw people around me wearing white clothes. Their faces were bright and kind.

In this way, I became part of a Sufi community. And my Straight Path to Beloved Allah began…

* * *

The community was located in a beautiful oasis, around a large reservoir. Here there were gardens, where we grew various vegetables and fruits, and also rested from the midday heat.

Every morning, I started with a few simple spiritual exercises that I was shown. I was told that it’s especially important to start the day this way. Because it is in the morning that we are full of energy and can direct it to spiritual growth.

I got up early, at dawn, or sometimes even a little earlier, and practiced everything that I was learning. If you do this, the rest of the day, which started with joy, calm, bliss, and attention to beloved Lord Allah, is much happier and more intense.

After this, we would talk with the Master. One day, he, in particular, explained that the Beauty of Allah can be understood and accommodated only by those who have developed spiritual hearts.

I asked him: “How can one develop it?”

He replied: “By loving — from the spiritual heart — all beings around you, by forgiving everyone, and by embracing with love not only all beings, but all the beauty of the Creation of Allah!”

“That’s all?”

“Yes,” — he answered. — “Do it. And then I’ll tell you more.”

* * *

Today, I tried to love all beings, as the Master advised. I stretched my hands of love from the spiritual heart, and held all beings in the palm of my hand, and caressed them!

How many pure souls the beloved Creator-God has created! Flowers, grass, trees, birds…

All of them could be stroked by the hands of the soul: the hands of the spiritual heart! And this love inside me did not stop, but increased!

“Love is developed through love,” — our Master taught us.

* * *

The Master showed us a new technique for developing ourselves.

On this day, we got up very early in the morning, before sunrise. And when the sun rose above the expanse of the desert — we became saturated with the Beauty and Light of Allah, Who was around us, and we thanked Him with the lips of the spiritual heart for all this Beauty!

We poured out our love for His Beauty — from our hearts. And due to this, our hearts expanded and became overwhelmed with even more pure and intense love!

In this way, we continued to learn to love Allah and the beauty of His Creation!

I’m still only at the very first stage, but I really want to move on!

* * *

I’m good at everything. The Master rejoices at my success! I will continue to work, loving and cognizing Allah!

* * *

Master is going to transfer me to a new level of training! I am happy and proud of my results! Everything is so good! And I have greatly outrun my companions along the Path! Perhaps the Master will even instruct me to train new students!

* * *

Today, I fulfill the exercises with difficulty, for some reason… I guess I slept badly…

* * *

For several days now, my meditations have turned out badly… I cannot understand what has happened… I’ll have to ask the Master…

* * *

Today, the Master strongly scolded me. He said that pride is against Allah! And that proud people do not belong in his school!

I was very frightened, but I hope that he will forgive me. I realize that now my chances of getting moved to the next stage have disappeared…

That was just a lesson for me…

… Where is pride born? It’s not in the spiritual heart! It is in the head!

We must learn to live in our hearts all the time!

* * *

I realized my mistakes and again took up the spiritual exercises; this time with even greater zeal. Errors sometimes stop the development of the soul, but if they are noticed and corrected in time, then everything can be adjusted.

* * *

One day, when everything suddenly seemed to be going wrong in my life, Allah said to me:

“Open the door of your heart! Admit there the light and refreshing breeze of My Love!

“Lighten everything within yourself with the gentle sunlight of the morning dawn! Fill your heart with the smell of flowers and trills of birds!

“Grow the garden of your heart — and then I will be able to settle in it forever!”

* * *

Today, we again worked in the garden. The thought came to me that the life of an ordinary person is also like an uncultivated garden. And whether a plentiful harvest will grow in the garden, pleasing and nourishing oneself and others, or whether it remains covered with weeds and holes, depends on the person himself or herself…

A true Sufi constantly cultivates his or her garden of the soul, and constantly works in it, taking care of that which brings benefit and getting rid of that which causes harm.

* * *

Just as threads in carpets are intertwined, so, too, are the lives of people beautifully and just as complexly intertwined by Allah.

Allah is like the Great Weaver of carpets! He connects the threads in such a way that the result of this work is great!

* * *

Our whole existence is the great School of Allah!

* * *

Life in our community flows like a deep river. We are happy to be cognizing Allah and sharing new knowledge with each other about the Path to Him, which He reveals to us.

* * *

It is evening… Transparent and gentle peace fills the space around.

Gradually, the sounds of the world fade away. Birds start to sing — gently and calmly.

Today, the daily deeds and meditations have made me tried. I just want to sit, dissolving myself in the transparent calm, becoming it…

Silence means a lot for a Sufi! Only in the silence of the spiritual heart, can a Sufi hear the Voice of Beloved Allah!

… Night has come. I’m sitting by the campfire. It quietly crackles, not breaking the silence.

Silence is both inside my body and outside it… I’m merging with it…

* * *

Everything in this world is full of the very gentle and dissolving Love of Allah!

It becomes perceptible, when one turns into love and tenderness. And the more one masters this, the more one feels the Love of Allah both around and within oneself.

And one day, one’s love will merge completely with His Love. And then only He, the Beloved Allah-Love, will remain!

* * *

Spring has come to the desert. A delicate aroma from blossoming flowers fills the whole space.

I absorb the fragrance with the soul, becoming it!

I embrace the flowers and everything around me with the hands of the heart!

The blissful aroma becomes my essence! I’m everywhere!

* * *

Yesterday, I secretly watched the Master during our group meditation.

How amazingly his eyes shine! It seems that the Beloved Allah Himself looks from them, speaks with his lips, creates with his hands, and the Master himself does not exist, he is not!

I wish I could achieve such a Mergence with the Beloved in order to completely disappear in Him! And then — to manifest His Light, His Love, His Joy, His Peace, and His Purity, without It being clouded by myself.

* * *

This morning I again went out into the desert! Here, rapture overflows from the soul, and I can feel unlimited freedom!

I want to embrace the whole space and reach — as a soul — to the very “edge of the Earth”, to go over it and to dissolve there in the Light!

Sometimes it seems that it is possible! And, when this happens, the enthusiasm and joy become even more intense! And there is only a blissful space filled with sparkling Divine Light! I am not here, I am not!

* * *

I feel myself as a free bird, smoothly and effortlessly soaring in the clouds…

Somewhere below, on the land, there is my small body, and I, a huge soul-bird, am soaring… There is only the limitlessness of the blue sky, there is only a song of the soul, which has escaped from the closed cage of the body…

* * *

By amazing tenderness and warmth, Allah embraces and envelops those who go to Him on the Straight Path!

In these Embraces, there is something so familiar, so tender!

Can there be anyone closer and dearer than Beloved Allah?!

* * *

After the morning spiritual exercises and conversation with the Master, we once again worked in the garden.

I held a small seed in my hands and thought: “It may seem that this seed is dead and lifeless. But if one just nourishes it with water and warms it with the rays of the Sun, it will wake up for a new life, for a new growth up to the Sun!

“It is the same case with the human soul. It rests and sleeps until the Divine Waters of Love finally wash and soak it, and until finally the Divine Light of Love warms it.

“And then, the growth towards Light, Love, the Sun, and the heat begins! Then the soul-seed begins “to break through the thickness of the earth”.

In this way, every day, the “sprout” gets stronger and stronger! And then it, perhaps, can become the Universal Tree!”

* * *

I lie on the sand and look at the clouds slowly floating by… I feel like a small light cloud, slowly drifting in the ocean of the blue sky. And around me, there is endless calm… Somewhere down below, there is the Earth with its bustle and troubles. But here, there is only a gentle calm…

The light of the Sun softly permeates the cloud — and it basks and melts in its rays!

How blissful it is!

Gradually, I, the little cloud, dissolve and disappear — and only boundless tenderness remains…

* * *

Today, I understood how my perception of the world of the Spirit differs from my perception of the world of material things. In the world of the Spirit, everything is not so clear and there is not the same certainty there, as there is in the material world. Everything there is blurry, and “foggy”… Well, at least for me, it is still is. I have to be very careful and attentive not to accept what I want — as reality. It is necessary not to mix my own fantasies with the reality of the Higher Realms!

* * *

Yesterday, I asked the Master for advice on how to distinguish the real phenomena of the world of Spirit — from the fantasies of the mind. He replied that this is achieved by practice and by an ever greater immersion into the world of Spirit. He also explained that it is necessary to advance to the point where the restless and sometimes reality-distorting mind is completely calmed down.

* * *

In the evening, when we had all gathered, the Master spoke to us about the Higher Reality:

“There is only one Supreme Reality! In the world of Creation, it takes on many forms. And It is expressed by different people in different words. Sometimes It is lost and distorted by people so much that it is difficult to recognize It. Nevertheless, It is one and indivisible. It is similar to the Sun, which continues to shine ‘behind the clouds’ of human ignorance.

“And Its Light can be seen in some souls.

“Moreover, the purer the soul, the more Light it can transmit to others.

“At first, the Sufi is like a moon that does not have its own light and only reflects the light of the Sun. But then this Sufi can become the Sun!

“That’s how the World of the Creator gradually evolves from an indistinct abstract concept — into the cognized Reality.”

* * *

In silence and peace, the flower of the spiritual heart opens — and then its aroma of love fills the whole space, both inside and around! It is so subtle, so gentle and elusive! But it is a reality for the one who has turned oneself into love.

The Sufi aspires to turn himself or herself into love — day by day. Every moment of his or her life is devoted to this!

* * *

Gradually, I cease to perceive myself as a body. In the beginning, this was so unusual! Since childhood, we were taught just the opposite: to feel oneself as a body!

Now I — through personal experience — am convinced that I am not a body, but a soul that is free from a body! I am a soul which can feel, know, and develop — whether I have a body or not!

And my goal is to fully cognize the Great Soul: Beloved Allah!

It’s so wonderful! The fear of the death of the body has disappeared! I am a soul! And therefore, I will not die when the body suddenly, for one reason or another, dies!

In this way — through spiritual practices and understanding — one can defeat in oneself the most powerful fear that people are obsessed with.

* * *

The Master shows more and more new techniques that help one to get closer to Beloved Allah and to more fully and deeply cognize Him.

One of these techniques is working with the Divine Fire.

It is possible to kindle this Fire in the spiritual heart, then expand It and embrace more and more space with it, with each time.

At first, this Fire of Love simply overflows from the chest. But then, it begins to flow through the hands and head, and through the whole body in all directions… It flares stronger and stronger, filling the entire space both inside and out.

At some point, with practice, the Sufi can feel that the whole world disappears in this all-consuming tender Fire of Allah, and that the separate essence of the Sufi “burns up”, dissolving in Him.

The Master said that mastering this usually takes years, and that not everyone can learn this…

It depends on how much love for Allah is burning in oneself. And such love must be kindled more and more! The flame of this love is sustained and strengthened by constant spiritual practices and service for the good of all kind and worthy beings, and hence — for the good of Allah.

Unfortunately, in some seekers, this fire of love fades very quickly, like how an ordinary campfire fades out if there is no firewood fueling it. This happens especially often when students stop “supporting the fire”, being distracted too much by various earthly affairs and problems.

* * *

How attractive is the starry sky in the night! Thousands and thousands of stars!… A shimmering gentle light…

I want to tear myself away from the Earth and fly to those stars, reach out to them, and embrace them all…

And so, without noticing it, I’m already filling the silence of the gentle starry night sky! I embrace the stars with myself! I expand and expand, losing myself in them!

* * *

And in the Depths — My Beloved lives. Only the “shell” of my self separates me from Him…

* * *

Rain gently and soothingly patters on the roof…

I lie and listen to the “music of the rain”. It seems that the rain fills the whole infinity of space…

I’m trying to reach the “edge of the infinity of rain” — where it does not exist and where there is only silence…

Suddenly the “endless rain” is inside me; inside the huge spiritual heart, which I am. Every drop of me-rain is filling with Light, and I feed all lives with Divine moisture…

* * *

It is morning. There are dewdrops on the grass. The light of the sun is reflected in them, and they shine with their tenderness!

It is wonderful to feel Allah at this time!

I raise my hands to glorify Him — and Divine Grace is poured through my entire body and fills it!

Oh, how blissful is Allah!

And how blissful is the one who can feel and perceive Him and be filled with His Love!

Praise be to Allah, the Loving and Compassionate, the Lord of the worlds!

* * *

The Sufi can express his or her infinite love for Allah through dance — so that the Light of His Love is poured out through the body, filling the whole space around — wider and wider!

The Sufi dances, stretching his or her hands of love in the Infinity of Allah…

* * *

When the Sufi listens to the true Master, he or she becomes attentive and perceives every word as if his or her life depends on it.

A true Sufi does not allow anything earthly to distract himself of herself from the Source of Eternal Truth!

* * *

Joy is growing with every day, because every day I can perceive Allah more and more widely and deeply!

From a former abstract concept, to me, He has become a Beloved Friend, the closest and most beloved Being!

How nice it is to be with Him, to feel Him, and to receive His Love!

* * *

Allah lives in every being: in every blade of grass, in every tree… Everything, absolutely everything, is pervaded by His invisible Presence!

That is why the Sufi respects and protects everyone and will not harm anyone in vain!

* * *

The Sufi looks at the Beauty of Allah, and becomes permeated with It. And at some point, the Sufi disappears, merging with It and with Him.

* * *

It is morning. I contemplate the vast, shining Light! In it, there are no boundaries, no outlines, no forms. There is only the Infinity of the Blissful Light that dissolves everything in Itself…

This Light is always with me, wherever my body goes. It has become an integral part of me, and I am It.

I have no desires, except that this Mergence with the Light of Allah never breaks!

* * *

Many years have passed, but the Sun still ascends in the desert, illuminating the land with its light…

There is still much that I could recall and tell about…

But the most important thing is love for the Creation of Allah and for the Creator Himself — the Greatest Beloved and Teacher!

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, the Loving and Compassionate!

Lead us along the Straight Path, on the Path to Your Home!

It is the Path of tender love for all beings created by You, of love-devotion to You, of admiration for You, and of aspiration towards Mergence with You! It lies in the Depths, which unfold in the calm of developed spiritual hearts!