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Chapter 4.
The Resurrection of Lazarus

Now, I knew for sure that Jesus is Divine and that everything that He teaches is true!

But this unexpectedly added problems for me…

I began sometimes to fear Jesus: being afraid that He sees all my shortcomings and knows all my sinful thoughts…

When I first thought about the fact that God knows everything about every person at all times — to me, this did not seem like a difficulty for my life… But when a Divine Teacher is near, and I myself do not restrain irritation, vain thoughts, and do not choose the Divine… And He sees all this…

I had not yet been able to live in the spiritual heart all the time, and bad thoughts often crept into my head, like flies that flock to honey.

Realizing that I was sinning, sometimes I still allowed envy and even despondency to overcome me…

I thought about how lucky Mary was because she was always with Jesus, because He had chosen her and loves her… Since childhood, I had thought that Mary was always prettier than me: slimmer, slenderer… And that she always received much more attention and love than me… And I also wanted to experience the love, in which, I saw Mary live! Now she was always shining like a gentle sun! And this love would pour out not only on Jesus, but on everything and everyone around!

And then, at times, I thought sadly that I was already quite old and that it was time to get married and start a family… And I dreamed that, for example, Andrew — suddenly — would fall in love with me… And that he would live in our house… And that he would be my husband…

I understood that it was not to be: Andrew not have been able abandon Jesus and to live a “normal life”: the kind that Lazarus and I had been doing so far.

Or, other times, because of loneliness and vain cares, or because of the understanding of my sinfulness before God, — I fell into despair and even cried at times from powerlessness and self-pity…

I continued to live as before… Even though I knew now that I could live in a different way…

I was ashamed of this — but there was nothing that I could do about it!…

Of course, I tried to repent, to keep my thoughts on God… But it only helped for a while…

Only sometimes it happened that I could immerse myself in the abode of the heart and feel God for brief moments… And then the bad thoughts left me — and I became filled with happiness, joy, and the hope that everything would turn out well for me…

At such moments, I forgot all the bad things for a while — and it was so joyful and good!

But more often, I felt unhappy and hopeless…

Instead of thanking God for the wonderful opportunity to see and hear Jesus, to learn from Him — I was sad about my fate: about unfulfilled hopes and unsatisfied desires.

And then a misfortune happened in our house: Lazarus had fallen ill.

At first, I was not really afraid. But the disease developed rapidly. And Lazarus once asked:

“I’m dying… Send someone for Jesus, Martha! Only He alone can heal this illness…”

… I went to our neighbor Sarah, who had changed a lot for the better since that time when Jesus had healed her son.

She, at my request, immediately sent her servants to various places, so that they could find Jesus and call for His help.

Two more days had passed.

Lazarus became worse and worse…

And then only Mary had come instead of Jesus.

In alarm, I asked:

“But where is Jesus? Why are you alone?”

“He will be here later. He said that it is necessary…”

“But Lazarus is not doing well!… Oh, why did not you bring Him, did not beg Him!…”

… We together went to our brother.

The pallid face of Lazarus seemed to become gray from suffering. He became very thin over the past days. It was clear that the death of his body was already very close…

Lazarus was delighted to see Mary. Then, realizing that Jesus had not come with her and that his hopes of help had not come true, he said:

“My sisters, sit beside me! Do not cry! Listen to me! It seems that Jesus will not come and save me… I’m dying…

“Please, be silent! I know that now it is so! And false consolations are not necessary!

“Apparently, I am not worthy to be healed by Him.”

… I slightly objected:

“But Jesus saved even those who were unfamiliar to Him! And the biggest sinners — He healed even them too! Who is without sin?!…”

“It’s different here…

“After all, I sometimes did not listen to Him, even when He was here with all of us.

“Sometimes, I heard and remembered the words of Jesus, and admired them… But I did not begin to live as He taught! I thought that I would still have time, and that I’m not old yet, and that there is still a long life in front of me…

“I even thought that the very presence of Jesus in our house, and the friendship with Him — are already protecting us from all possible troubles!…

“And it seemed to me that I could ‘get rich’ with a worldly life!… And that I could be completely happy, satisfying only my earthly desires and needs…

“It happens that we ourselves allow ourselves to sin and think: ‘We will have time to become better to stand before God!’

“I thought that I was kinder and more righteous than many other people! And — that I do not sin often! And the fact that I did not make the spiritual efforts, which were feasible to me, — I did not at all consider this to be a sin… I postponed all this…

“But, as it turns out, death has come — and now I will stand face to face with the Heavenly Father and it’s time for me to give an account of my whole life… It pains me that I missed the good opportunities!

“Oh, if I had understood this before, I would not have wasted the days of my life with so many unnecessary worries, so many unimportant and insignificant things!…

To get rich, to achieve prosperity in earthly life and respect from surrounding people, and then…

“And now — for me this then has come!… And I realize that I do not have enough time…

“Now I regret it, but it’s too late…

“You, Mary and Martha, — you have not to repeat my mistake! Live — like Jesus teaches! You can do this! I know it, my beloveds!

“And tell Jesus that I loved Him! I’m sorry that it all has happened so: that I did not do what I could… Grant me, oh God, an hour of death that is not so bitter and so scary!

… Lazarus could no longer speak.

I burst into tears, full of despair.

Mary, on the other hand, shone more and more with the light of love and tenderness, trying to embrace and fill Lazarus with this gentle peace. She took the dying man’s hands, squeezed them in her hands and said:

“All that we can do now, my dear brother, is to be filled with love for our Heavenly Father! He is the Infinite Love! Let’s trust in His Undying Power! Let everything be done according to His Will!”

And it worked! It seemed that Mary was able to remove the pain of the body and, most importantly, to calm the soul a little. The face of Lazarus had brightened. He no longer looked at us, but gave himself completely to God.

Soon he lost consciousness, and died at night.

* * *

The body of Lazarus, wrapped in veils, was placed in a cave, and a stone was piled on it.

It was four days before Jesus had come.

I met Him all in tears:

“You’re late, Jesus! He has died… It’s the fourth day… If You had been near; our brother would not have died!”

“Well, why are you crying as if you did not listen to Me at all? Perhaps, maybe, is it a time for Me, too, to cry and mourn?

“After all, there is something to mourn: for Lazarus did not have time to comprehend everything that he could have in this life…”

“He was sorry about that, Jesus!”

“Do not cry, Martha! Let’s go!

“You and Mary can now show Me where his body was buried.”

… Together with Jesus, there were His disciples and many more people who heard that Jesus had returned.

We had arrived at the cave where Lazarus was buried. At the request of Jesus, several powerful men rolled the stone aside.

Jesus called out:

“Lazarus, rise!”

… The soul — according to the united Will of Jesus and the Heavenly Father, — returned to the body of Lazarus!

All those present saw it, and this miracle shocked so many of the witnesses! And many, who did not believe Jesus before, now believed that He was from God.

Lazarus was helped to get rid of the covers, in which his body was wrapped during the burial, and his body was clothed in clean and new clothes, which Philip had given.

Jesus embraced Lazarus:

“By the grace of the Heavenly Father, you are given the opportunity to return to this body and have time to correct those mistakes that you have committed. And also — to work on yourself-soul so that during the life in this body you deserve the right to enter the Heavenly Kingdom! For one, who has not cognized this Kingdom during one’s life in the body, does not receive it after the death of the body!”

* * *

When the strangers had parted, we returned to our house.

Lazarus was now perfectly well. He seemed to be younger, cheerful, and full of strength and hope, like never before.

In the evening, Jesus offered:

“Lazarus, tell us about what you experienced, so that everyone here will know this from you.”

… And Lazarus told about his bitter afflictions before his death and about what he had experienced when he had died:

“To receive the Divine Instructions and not fulfill them is an expression of disrespect and disregard for God!

“It is negligible — the happiness from all the earthly joys, from all the earthly successes, from the respect and honor in the eyes of other people, and from the savings for one’s well-being in the world!

“I understood this only before death itself, when there was no time and energy to change anything.

“Each of us is given the opportunity to live here — in order to obtain the purity of the heart and of the soul! We must live to transform the souls and help others, to become more perfect and to approach God — according to the state of the souls!

“This had become very stirringly clear to me only when I saw the approach of death!

“I was scared to die… At that moment, Mary helped me a lot, so that I could accept in peace and love the inevitability of death and make the transition into the other worlds.

“When I left the body, I saw a light that was, as it were, a little bit in the haze. And in this golden mist, I was met by my parents and many other souls. There was nothing bad or scary. Understanding that there is no death at all was comforting and even joyful.

“But it was not that perfect state that I experienced several times when Jesus revealed to us the Radiance of the Holy Spirit, granting us by His Power the opportunity to experience the Supreme Divine state!

“And after… I do not know how to describe it to you…

“I thought about this Fiery Light of the Holy Spirit — and then I saw all my life lived: I saw what was good in it, and what was bad. All this was explained to me in the Divine Light — with gentle caresses, without pronounced words. It was coming… like an understanding.

“I had realized that I was not yet able to enter the Bliss of the Life in that Light… For I — as a soul — was different from that Light. I was — as if denser. As if the grayish shadows inside myself-soul were keeping me from the possibility of merging with this Light and dissolving in It…

“And I asked for the possibility of correcting my mistakes and achieving the beautiful world of the Holy Spirit.

“Then I saw Jesus in the Shining Light and heard Him calling me. And I went to this call.

“And now, I am with you again! And my gratitude to Jesus is without bounds!”

… We all listened in amazement to the story of Lazarus.

Then Jesus summed it up:

“Understand that each of you, and not just our dear friend Lazarus who has returned to us, is gifted by God with the miracle of life in the body on the Earth, during which there is an opportunity to approach God!

“Let the return of Lazarus be that miracle that will remind many people in the future that life is valuable and that it is not given to everyone in vain! Yes, a person can, during his or her life in the body, cultivate the ability to unite with God!

“Spiritual transformation requires efforts and time. And it makes sense not to squander and waste the time of life on the Earth!

“And the fear of the death of the body disappears when we know the Heavenly Father.

“Tomorrow morning, we will continue the talk about those real efforts that will help everyone, who wants with all his or her heart, — the Oneness with God!”