The Master/Your Battle for Me

Your Battle for Me

It is hard for me to write these words now! It’s as if I have to live through everything once again.

Reading these lines can also be difficult.

But how much more difficult must it have been for You, in whose arms I stopped breathing so many times, to see all this?…

You saw me walking, staggering, and holding on to the wall so as not to fall, but, nevertheless, my body still fell to the floor when I lost consciousness. You saw as I tried to eat and could not even hold the spoon: my hands were shaking so hard. And You saw as I began to suffocate and scream, writhing in pain. It must have been difficult for You to answer me with an honest “I don’t know…” when, for a short time upon regaining consciousness, I asked, “When will it end?”

… I could not remember how long this hell was going on, how much time had passed — hours or days? I could not even remember what day, month, or year it was then. It was… all the same for me…

“Let it all just finally end… so that it will not be necessary to open my eyes anymore and again — for the umpteenth time! — live through a painful death.” — I thought on more than one occasion.

And, what was even harder, was to open my eyes without knowing… who opened them: me or… some other people! And… how many of them?!… What do they want from me?!… And if they are here, then where am I?!

Where is God? Why did he leave me? Or maybe, I did it myself by turning away from Him, not even thinking about Him, and forgetting to ask Him: what do I need to do, what do You expect from me?

I felt all alone — face-to-face with this horror…

But I was not alone! You were next to my dying body!

And what must it have been like for You to see that it was not me anymore, but someone else, who was looking at You through my eyes? How did You make them leave — one by one? What did You Yourself have to go through when You were looking for me in the depths of hell? When You realized that I had lost the battle that exceeded my ability to fight, then You made it Your battle and won it for me! Then You opened my eyes so that I could understand how it happened that I ended up in hell — while walking along the Path to God! — and became one of them. Then You found me and, holding my hand tightly, led me out of there. Then You told me: “Get up and walk!” — and miraculously it became possible. You also healed my body, which was already almost completely destroyed by the disease. You gave me the strength to tell others about it so that no one else would have to go through this!

After all, so many evil acts are committed by people only out of ignorance! And what kind of person must one be to continue doing so while knowing?

How are You now? I hope that this situation hasn’t harmed You…

* * *

Then the Master explained to me the mechanism of what had happened: it was not me who fell into hell myself, but I was immersed there by my former friend, who went astray from the Path and turned into a “devil in the flesh,” looking not for God, but for “earthly” comfort and that same “personal strength” mentioned previously. And, in his polemics against the Master, he insisted on his right to that very “mixture of gunas”…

Coarsening of consciousness, devilization — usually occurs gradually and imperceptibly. And in order to prevent this from happening, we must constantly compare our condition with the Divine Standards, which the Holy Spirits represent for us.

… And, it must be noted, that my “friend” didn’t drive me to hell intentionally. No, he just remembered about me, began “looking” at me mentally, and “covered” me with a black cloud of devilish consciousness. And my fault was that I allowed myself to tune in with him, not suspecting anything bad. I didn’t manage to notice his coarseness while maintaining friendly relations with him. Gradually, I myself – as a consciousness – became coarse. And to refine oneself as a soul again requires new intensive efforts and time.