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How God Can Be Cognized/Meeting
I was in a state of gratitude to the author of the books, but I had no idea even that I could meet him… Fortunately, Anna took the initiative.
Once I visited her home and we were sitting quietly in the kitchen, drinking tea…
And suddenly she said that Antonov called her that day and invited both of us to visit him. And the meeting was scheduled to be… on the next day!
I was choked… When I had seen how fast my dream “was turning into flesh” — I was scared! On the one hand — it was the fulfillment of my dreams, it was what I most of all wanted, and on the other hand — what I was most afraid of. Because every time, when I stood before a new, unfamiliar to me door, it was easier for me to “hang at the threshold” rather than to step forward and enter inside.
Only the absolute understanding that I will not have another chance, which could help me to cross that threshold, forced me to make a step! I knew for sure that “the Bird of Freedom” would not arrive a second time…
… So the meeting was set. Anna and I were “trembling like two aspen leaves” but had nowhere to back off.
… Most of all, I was surprised by how he met us. He hugged and kissed us very gently — as if he had known us and waited for us a long time… He immediately asked us to use informal appeals in conversation. I remember my first impression of him: blue eyes, a fluffy white beard framing a young and tanned face. Honesty, prior to this meeting, I was imagining him to be “a contemporary of the previous century”…
We were sitting in the room. Rice has been cooked already. Pickled mushrooms and mayonnaise appeared on the table... I liked the fact that there was no bustle and haste in all his actions. He was in the space of peace and love of the heart, which he created himself. All the actions were so smooth and natural that it seemed everything was happening by itself.
Vladimir told us about his first meeting with Anna. I think, she did not know what a funny way it was he appeared in her wardrobe a year ago. It turned out that some woman was strangely looking at him near the kiosk, where he was selling his books… She was circling around him and was looking straight into the face…
“I look and do not understand what she wants from me. Maybe a former student? Or — a crazy one?” — he said laughing. — “But then she finally had introduced herself as a casting assistant. She said that she was looking for a person with a face and beard exactly as I had! She was begging me to cameo in the film as a bit part actor. Well, I see that it is so necessary for her and so I could not refuse. I agreed. Together we came into the dressing room and there I saw Anna among many people… When she was arranging the costume of some actors — the light was flowing from her hands… I immediately understood why God brought me here. It is so rare to meet someone with an already developed spiritual heart!”
… We talked a lot, Vladimir was asking us some questions and we were lisping something in return. I remember that it was very difficult for me to relax that evening and I also remember the words of Vladimir in farewell:
“You should smile more!”
Vladimir advised us to read a number of books about Sathya Sai Baba and Babaji for the beginning, to perform the exercises that were described in his books. In short, we were released for the self-study for some time.
… After that meeting, I realized that I could not live in the anahata, or smile, or hug people. All this I had to learn, and I began to practice this every day. I do not know what and how I managed to do then, but, in the first place, it was a struggle against myself.